The IV League [EDITING]

Chapter 20

"Do you think I'm a bad person?"

"In what sense?"

"I have a tendency to hurt every single person I care about."

"You think that makes you a bad person?"

"If it doesn't make me a bad person, what does it make me?"

"It makes you human."

Carter sat up and looked at Dr. Dev incredulously. "No offence, doc, but I think that's the worst piece of advice you've ever given me."

"It's human nature to make mistakes," continued Dr. Dev, ignoring his remark, "and you just made one. You don't have to beat yourself​ up over it."

"But I keep making the same mistake over and over."

"But you also make them right."

"I don't think that will work this time."

"Why not?"

"Because this time, I said some horrible things to someone I really care about. And the worst part is, it sounded like I meant all those things, but in reality, I didn't. I could never mean any of those words. I could never hurt someone like that, especially not her. But... I did anyway, and I don't know why."

"What made you say those things?"

"I— I don't know. I have no idea from where all those feelings were coming from. I think, a part of me had kept those words to myself, because they were meant for me. It's how I feel about me. And in an outburst of emotions I used them on someone who didn't deserve any of it."

"What do you plan on doing about it?"

"She's never going to speak to me again."

"Do you care about her?"

"More than you know, Doc. She's one of my closest friends, and more often than not, I've caught myself wishing that she was more than that. But now, I don't think even 'friends' is possible."

"I'm sure she'll understand. You just have to give her time."

Carter sighed. "What do I do?"

"Maybe start by apologising?"

Dr. Dev was right. Carter had to win Morgan back, and the first thing was apologising for what he had said the previous night. But chances of her listening to him were slim.

He found her in the garden playing with a litter of therapy pups. Morgan looked beautiful. She was buried under a mountain of puppies and was laughing as they licked her all over. No one could tell that she'd been brutally hurt only a few hours ago.

"Hey."

As soon as Morgan saw him, her face fell. "What do you want?"

"Can we talk?"

"I think you've said enough."

Carter sat down next to her, stroking a puppy's ear. "Please, just hear me out."

She sighed. "I'm giving you five minutes."

"Look, I'm sorry okay? I know saying sorry isn't going to take back all those horrible things I said or justify why I said them, but Dr. Dev said I should start somewhere and an apology seemed like the only dignity I had left. But I honestly want you to know that I did not mean any of those things. They were not meant for you. For so long, I've been at a battle with myself. I try to tell myself I'm getting better, and a part of me pushes back, because I don't want to get better. I feel like being here keeps me safe, because the place I'll be going back to isn't a place I want to be. So when you said I was going to get better, I was triggered and took out all those pent up emotions on you. I know I shouldn't have done that, and nothing I can say right now is going to take away all the pain I caused you. So, maybe now you won't ever talk to me again, and I deserve that. I just wanted you to know how I really feel."