"Oh."

May 3rd, 2017

It's late, but I'm missing you again. Some days I would give anything to have you back. You were my best friend.

When I asked you to take Soyla to prom, you said you weren't mad anymore. Is that true? Can we be friends, or is it too much of a risk to take?

I'm still using guys. Jesse's gone but another has taken his place. I even told the guy I would break his heart, but he didn't care. Why are guys so stupid sometimes?

You definitely aren't the same. The guy I still love doesn't exist, but I'm still searching for traces of him in you now. I want you to be happy, but I can't remember the last time I saw you smile. Maybe it's because you don't smile around me.

I read some old texts. That's what did me in this time. You told me you would love me forever, and I want to believe you. You told me you were proud of me, and that you thought you were truly in love. Why didn't you tell me that in person? You said you'd give anything to be with me at the time, but it didn't feel like it. All you had to do was follow through, but I know that's the tricky part.

Still haven't gotten rid of anything except I will delete those old texts. They just hurt now.

Sometimes I deliberately talk about things like dating and prom around you to evoke some sort of reaction, but either I can't read you, you're good at hiding emotions, or you don't care. As much as I don't want to believe it, it's probably the third.

I keep telling myself I'll find someone that treated me better than you, but I'm not very convincing