"Oh."

October 16, 2018

You left, again, without warning. The first time you did it, I was worried out of my freaking mind. You didn't tell anyone anything and you wouldn't answer your phone. I was scared. But this time, I'm just hurt. After last time we talked about it. I tried to be understanding and honest, and you told me that you would tell me about stuff like this. But you didn't this time. You "were in a hurry" and you "weren't thinking". Wow. That really hurts, a lot. You didn't even bother to shoot me a text or a phone call or anything. I'm really hurt, but I'm trying not to let on to it.
And then I was the one who had to confront you about it! Seriously? I snapped you (I should've called) and you acted apologetic but it's hard to determine the genuineness in texts. I want to cry (again). How pathetic is that? It's no wonder you didn't tell me anything.
These stupid internet articles aren't helping. They basically all confirm that you aren't as committed as you should probably be. I don't know if I should believe them or not. It's only been a little over a month. Is it fair of me to expect such commitment? I feel like it is, because we're already so far along physically that the level of emotional commitment is way lacking. That's not right. I know it's not. But I don't know what to do. I know what I should do though.
The past few days have been so good! It's amazing. I loved spending time with you. You were so sweet. And then you cut me off like this. I don't understand, but what I do know is that I will not be stuck in a relationship where the level of commitment is not matched. I don't know what to do.
We're going to have that hard conversation. Probably Thursday, if you don't work that evening. Depending on how it goes will determine how I continue to treat this relationship, and whether or not I go home Friday without telling you, and whether or not our plans for Saturday follow through. If you're not going to act like we're a thing, then neither am I, but I'm not going to do it while I'm a relationship with you. I'll simply break up with you. I don't have time for this childish nonsense.
I'm angry and hurt. Mostly hurt. You're great at saying all the right things, but your actions suck big time.
How far will I go? How much will it take for me to finally call it quits? How much will I tolerate? When will I stop giving you chances?