"Oh."

April 10th, 2017

It's been more than a month since we've broken up. I've had three guys at my disposal, and I even went on a date with one of them, but I guess that wasn't enough to take my mind off you, because when I stared scrolling through my camera roll all those pictures of you hit me hard. I'm still hurting just as much as I did the day after we broke up. Thankfully it isn't all the time, but when I am hurting its very, very painful.

But what do I do? Tell you I miss you? That would be a lie. I only miss parts of you. The entire reason I started this journal was that so I wouldn't forget why I broke up with you in the first place, but now I'm questioning everything. Did I make the right decision?

I really don't have a romantic interest in any of the 3 guys I have at my disposal. I'm using them and I hate myself for it. (Except one. I'm not using Jesse). I'm using them because I'm lonely. Because I miss you. Because everyone else has someone they are close to but me. And that used to be you.

I want to go back to you. I really, really do. But you aren't the same. You're ignoring me on purpose. You've been hanging out with other girls (an idea which not only makes me sad but also sick to my stomach). I don't know if you're trying to make me jealous but it's working. I hate admitting that. I have no right to be jealous. I hurt you and I won't do it again. I'm sorry.

Did you forget me so easily? Or are you keeping your distance because you can't forget me so easily? I'm not sure I want to know the answer, but I know I've kept everything you gave me. All of it. I just can't seem to let go o you yet.

Please don't forget me.

I miss you.

But I want you to be happy, and you won't be happy with me. Nether will I.