"Oh."

October 6th, 2018

It's 1:20 AM. We just got back from a movie, and I'm crying in my bed for some stupid reason. Roomie and her boyfriend are gone so it's just us, your buddy and his girlfriend. But what I didn't tell you is that your buddy told me a lot about you. And now I don't know what to do.
I think it's only fair for it to be noted that it's both at an unreasonable hour and that I'm currently battling Mother Nature (if you know what I mean) so I am perfectly aware that I am more emotional than normal. That doesn't mean I don't want to cry though, but that would make the cramps worse so I'm trying not to.
We talked for over four hours. Literally just talking, the two of us. About his relationship, about mine. You freaking scare me. I can't figure you out. It's like you're two different people, the guy on the inside and the guy on the outside. I don't know which is the real you.
He needs to get out of his relationship and I'm starting to think I need to get out of mine, but I also feel like you haven't had a fair chance. It's not right of me to judge you for your past. I know it's not.
He said that you did weed regularly when you did it. He said that you slept with multiple girls. He said that you get bored easily. He said that you are constantly seeking approval, gotta be cool. He said that you and your ex had only been done about a month before you got involved with me. All of that makes me feel terrible.
Don't get me wrong, he stuck up for you a lot but I pretty much begged him to be completely honest with me. He doesn't think you'll cheat but he does think you might be manipulative. He acted surprised when I spoke about how you asked me what I was comfortable with physically. That doesn't make me feel good but at the same time I don't understand why you treat me different. Neither me nor your buddy can figure out why you're dating me. I won't sleep with you. I'm not interesting. I don't get it.
He also said he's afraid you're getting stoned with your other "best friend". You know that I'll break up with you over that. I won't tolerate that.
I feel like a fool. I'm so stupid. Stupid guys that play with my heart like you! Why are you dating me? So you can corrupt me? Is that it? I need to know.
Please don't turn out the way I'm scared you will. I'm trying to give you a chance, I swear. I'm trying so hard.