"Oh."

September 22, 2018

NEW RECIPIENT

You're something new. Total new, foreign to me. It's exciting I won't lie, but I'm so scared. I'd never tell you that, but you make me nervous because you're just so different than what I'm used to. A good guy with bad habits. You're basically every girl's dream bad boy.

You're much more passive than anyone I've talked to. I absolutely adore it when I actually get to see you show some emotion about something because you just kinda float by otherwise. You can be such a sweetheart.

So why am I scared? You treat me good, and I know that we're still getting to know each other, but I think that I just overthink everything. I'm so bad about overthinking, especially when I'm alone with my thoughts. It's gonna be the death of me.

I don't know if it's something my ex did, or what, but I catch myself thinking things that aren't okay. I catch myself doubting you. You've never even given me a reason to think that, but I just do. I'm so sorry. It's not your fault in the slightest.

I know that I'm worried about her, I'll admit it. It's not fair of me, I know, but it's really hard for me to come to terms with. To wrap my head around. You have a family, now, right now. I feel in the way, like I'm tearing y'all apart. I know that your split isn't on me (I didn't even know you then) but I can't help but feel like I'm separating a family. I feel so guilty. I feel guilty for taking you away, like I'm selfishly doing it for my own happiness instead of you being with your family. It's so hard. I'm so conflicted.

I know you love him with all your heart, and I'm so happy that you do. You should. He should be everything to you. And I promise that if things work out between us, I will love him like he's everything to me. Like I said, right now it's just difficult to come to terms with.

You do make me really happy. You make me smile. I know I don't tell you that enough. I'll try to do better. I thank God for you every day. You're amazing ❤️

As for my ex, apparently he is also dating someone new. Someone who has a child/children. It's odd how that worked out. But I honest to goodness don't really care. He didn't come to SOSU like he said he would, and I'm so thankful and grateful for that. I don't want to deal with him anytime soon.