"Oh."

December 8th, 2018

I haven't written in a while, but things got crazy. You swooped into my life after the last guy ditched me for his ex. You spent the whole night drinking tequila with me and exchanging our problems. You helped me pull my first all nighter that night. That night was something dangerous, let me tell ya.
We started hanging out, you got me hooked on Supernatural, and one night you just stayed over in my bed. Ever since then, you spent every night in my bed with me unless I had to go home (like for thanksgiving). Then one night, you kissed me. Hard. I knew it was coming for days, I had seen it on your face. I loved it. You don't believe me when I say you have the biggest heart but you do, you just hide it under a tough exterior. Everything was amazing. I still recall the night we danced until 2:00 in the morning to all kinds of songs and you drank the entire 6 pack. That was one do my favorite nights.
Then the night before my birthday, you broke things off. You hadn't stayed with me for two nights, but I knew it was because you stayed up late studying. Now I think it was because you couldn't face me. You told me that you felt like it was wrong that you couldn't give 100% to me. I went into overdrive. I smiled and said everything was fine and that I understood and that it was okay. I spent the early hours of my birthday crying myself to sleep. Katie even heard me and gave me a hug, but I wasn't done getting it all out. After having two days to think about it, I did something risky last night. Idk where you were, but you drove all the way back to Durant (over an hour drive) to talk to me, because I would only talk in person. And I sat you down and told you that if you could tell me any three of these sentences and mean them, that I would let you go and move on and wouldn't try to win you back again. The sentences were:
1. That I don't make you happy.
2. That you don't want to be with me.
3. That if your ex walked into the room right now, that under any circumstance you would take her back.
And I told you that if you couldn't tell me any of those three honestly, that I wasn't ready to be done with us. I told you that you were worth the fight, and that I was okay with you not being 110% over your ex as long as you wouldn't take her back. You said that you weren't sure, and yet you proceeded to kiss me multiple times. You kissed me hard before you left, and told me to "think on that". I asked you what that meant, and you just blew me a kiss and left. I've got you wrapped around my pinky finger, and I hope you realize that I would never take advantage of that. I treated you good, as you deserved, and you weren't used to it. I just hope you can see that I really do like you, and I know us being together makes hints complicated for both of us but it will be worth it, I swear.