My bloodsucking best friend

Chapter Fifteen

"Are you okay?" 

"What?" 

Andy's voice cuts off my train of thought and I turn my head to find him looking at me worryingly. 
"You kind of... zoned out," he notes and I slowly nod with my forehead wrinkled. "Yeah..."
"What were you thinking about?" he casually asks, but with curiosity and angst hidden behind his pretended looseness. 
"Nothing," I lie because I don't want to talk about it, and I can tell that he knows I'm lying, but doesn't dig any deeper and keeps his mouth shut.

"I went to the hospital, you know," he then quietly adds, obviously meaning that he got new blood bags. 
"That's good," I say without any emotions audible because I don't know what else to say.
What happened has built a wall between us and I'm afraid to make any attempts to tear it down.
A part of me wants to stand up and just hug Andy, inhale his scent of vanilla and cigarettes and make up for what went wrong, but the rest of me is far too scared and I'm not even entirely sure of what exactly.

"You're still afraid of me," he states silently and runs a hand through his short hair which makes him look like a hot mess. 
"Stop sniffing me, you dog," I mutter grumpily and the corners of his mouth quiver. 
"I'm sorry," he says with a chuckle.
"I know you are," I respond and that brings us back to the serious awkwardness all over again, making me cringe in despair.
"This sucks," Andy speaks my mind. "You and I... It shouldn't be like this." He stands up and I scoot back on the black leather, uncertain what he has in mind, but he raises his arms in surrender.
"I know you don't trust me, but you also know that I won't hurt you."
"Again," I add and he presses his lips together, but keeps coming closer. "What are you doing?" I skeptically want to know. 
"Just hear me out, okay?" he tries, but I shake my head.
"I can hear you out when you're sitting over there."
Andy sighs. "Don't make this so hard."
"Don't make what so hard?" I keep my arms crossed and my brows furrowed.

"Listen."
"What else should I be doing?" He ignores my remarks.
"We've been best friends since high school. I know I'm the worst vampire imaginable..."
That makes me scoff because it's probably truer than anything he's ever said.
"And I should be saving you and not the other way around..."
"What do you mean?" That makes me prick up my ears, but Andy rolls his eyes.
"You know what I mean."
"Say it," I demand sternly and he gives in.
"You're human and I'm immortal. I should be protecting you, but ever since I turned, it's always been the other way around."

"You never told me that," I admit, surprised and taken aback by his sudden confession.
"I mean, I know it, but you never had the guts to say it."
"Do you think it's pleasant for me to tell you that? Hell, Lily, it sucks. I don't want to admit that a human girl whom I care about more than anything constantly has to save me because I can't get my shit together."

I lean back on the couch, arms still crossed and a brow perked, waiting for him to finish what he's telling me because I really like what I hear.
I'm baffled that he has suddenly decided to confess like this, but I've waited for this more than long enough. His arrogant attitude always made it impossible for him to give me credit for always being there for him.

"Ever since I turned and even before that, you've been there for me. Do you even hear it when I thank you for everything you do for me? Do you hear my apologies when I fuck up? I always fuck up and give you a hundred reasons to leave, but you stay."
That forces a smile onto my lips.
"Do you want to know what actually happened last night?"
"What do you mean?" I go into it and my smile fades. 
Andy sits down next to me and I flinch, but let him after he's locked eyes with me to assure himself I allow him to be so close to me.
"When you took off, it drove me crazy because you were as reckless as I usually am."
"What?"
"You just left, drunk and partying, and didn't care. You wanted to have fun and screwed eventual consequences. That's me, Lil."
"I didn't think of it like that," is all I can answer because I have no idea what's going on right now.
"And every time I do these things, you're there for me."
"And?"
"I knew I couldn't be that for you."
His gaze drops and a sense of sadness seems to have slowed down his motions.
"If it had been the other way around, you would have found me. But I'm not like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you. Like... you take care of people. You're there for them. You're the best person I know and I'm the opposite."