Hollows In Time (✔️) | 'Hollows' Book Ⅱ

Chapter Seventy-Nine

^ couldn't be bothered to crop but here we have a hot Cassie ^

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H o l l o w s I n
T I M E
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07/01/17
Ten months ago

I sighed, drawing spiral after spiral after spiral in the notebook that my mother had given me to 'write down my thoughts in'. I had actually taken her advice, and for once it actually worked. I didn't force myself to write in it, I only wrote in it when the pressure on my heart became too much to bear—so I'd release the pressure by writing.

I wrote about many things. Myself, the Academy, Jameson, secrets that I keep or secrets that I think that others have kept from me. It's just one big notebook of sorrow and mystery. And, now, it's full of spirals.

These days I'm not too sure what I think. I miss my Academy life, but I've set up a nice life for me here, with Lexi and my parents. I just wasn't too sure how to write a 'I'm happy now' page, since all I have written in this book have been pages full of complete and absolute depression.

I'm not too sure what the spirals symbolise. Maybe the turning of events. Maybe the turning of my mind. No explanation seems to be good enough for me.

And then I began my first diary entry since the end of November, when my problem was that I didn't know how to ease myself back into my usual routines.

Diary entry 12: 07/01/17

Why is it that I'm just never good enough for anything or anyone?

Those who just don't understand would say that I'm attention seeking. Because I went through this traumatic experience and I'm not ready to move on, to lose all the pity and attention I've been getting.

Perhaps I am attention seeking. Perhaps I enjoyed my parents smothering concern and care for me, which was a change from their usual 'business-first' attitudes. Perhaps I enjoy the way people tread carefully around me; they try to understand my triggers and they are cautious when talking to me. Perhaps I enjoy the amount of help I have gotten lately, from teachers, and an in-school counselling system. Perhaps I enjoy that Lexi has forced herself as close to me as ever. She never lets me out of her sight.

Maybe, the concern, the assumed triggers, the counselling and Lexi's care should be meant for someone else. Since I was never kidnapped.

But maybe I do like it. Maybe it makes healing easier.

And then when it starts to slowly fade away, it aches. The healing slows, the hole in my heart deepens and the memories of my Academy life pierce even deeper into my brain.

So you think I'm attention seeking? Because I'm hurting? Because I'm hurting and no one cares anymore?

You expect too much of me. No one can heal that fast. No one can keep that many secrets and still be sane.

Why am I just not good enough for you?

"Sky!" I jumped, watching as a thick pen line marred my fresh work. "I hope you're awake, otherwise you'll be late to school!" My mum yelled next.