Here I Am

Chapter Sixteen - Remember

Chapter Sixteen - Remember

I curled my fingers into a fist to keep them from trembling.

Five hours. It had been five hours since the surgery started. The others barely spoke, the entire hallway was quiet. Tasha was fast asleep on Janine’s shoulder. I could tell it bothered her but she was too nervous to even care.

I was absent mindedly fiddling with a rubber band for what seemed like eternity when I heard a door close.

I rose and ran to the doctor while he took off his mask.

I looked at him expectantly. His face didn’t give away anything just like most doctors. You can never be sure until they say it.

“Gwen, I am so sorry. We did everything we could. We did our best.” He said putting a hand on my shoulder and gave me a look of sympathy.

I just stood there trying to process what he just said. It somehow didn’t feel real.

I walked into the operation theatre and uncovered the white cloth from my father’s face.

I held his hand. It was as cold as mine.

“He’s lying, right? You can’t leave me. You still have to look at my medals. I won them because of you. I need you to see them. I need you to see me.”

I shook my head, I refused to believe it.

“No. You are going to wake up anytime and take me out for ice-cream and we’ll celebrate like we always do. You are going to wake up.”

“Gweneth-.” Said Trent in a soothing voice.

“He is going to wake up.” Tears found their way and I didn’t hold them back this time.

Trent hugged me and tried to calm me down.

“Ssshh, sshh, everything will be okay.” He said stroking my back.

Since then everything was a blur. I gave Adrianna my dad’s funeral plans and left her to make the arrangements. Meg took the responsibility of calling a few of his close friends and Grandpa was handling the press. We kept this quiet until now but it was time they knew.

Tasha was busy acting all affected and terrified. I bet she loved the attention. Our house was filled with neighbors, businessmen, colleagues and a few of Tasha’s friends. The Richard Mansion was big and I was lucky to grow up in it. Now, it felt incomplete and empty even though there were so many people in it.

I went into the backyard, passed the pool and sat on the swing. I thought of the grass, the trees anything that distracted me.

I sat there till the mosquitoes started bothering me. I could feel the walls rising inside of me, they just kept growing higher and higher and I didn’t bother trying to stop it.

The house was quiet. Everyone was tired and needed sleep so that they could get tired again tomorrow. Even Tasha’s eyes needed rest from all the fake crying.

Part of me pitied her. She too was a part of my dad’s life, hell, she was his wife! She too had lost him and it mustn’t have been easy for her either. Maybe crying and gaining sympathy from people was her way of grieving.

I just said a silent prayer and fell asleep.

~~

Today was my father’s funeral.

Adrianna did a good job getting everything ready and done on time. This time I couldn’t hide from all those people. They came up to me gave me their condolences and kept saying they were sorry. I didn’t know how to respond to that so I just nodded and forced a small smile.