It Wasn't Supposed To End This Way (A Starkid Fan Fiction)

Chapter 31-Nicki

Chapter 31

I open my door after bidding Nicki a good night. It's just about 3 in the morning, and we all finally left the party. Clark had offered to stay the night with me, and I had almost agreed. But I'm just so tired, I've never wanted to sleep more in my entire life. If Clark had stayed here tonight, we wouldn't get any sleep. So instead he had walked me and a sad Nicki home. I could tell she had been drinking and was a little drunk, but at least it's not as bad tonight as it's been for her.

The night had gone so well. I loved spending the beginning of the new year with everyone, making memories that I need to make. Like I said earlier, I deserve some happiness in my life now, so I made sure to have as I could tonight. But Dylan is still on my mind...

Why is it I can't get him out of my head? He's with Denise, I'm with Clark. we both have someone right now, and for some reason my brain refuses to forget about him. The way I felt when I kissed his cheek, it sparked the way I felt about him before we made up during tour in Philadelphia. Is there something wrong with me, the way I can't get over Dylan? This isn't Twilight, I'm not going to tell you I'm in love with both boys and that I'm going to jump off a cliff so my boyfriend can come and get me. That's insane. I've scared everyone enough thanks to my apendix bursting last week. So much for a good Christmas.

I open the door to my bedroom and stop. Obviously I haven't been in here in the last week, but I don't know how Nicki was able to walk into this room without wanting to be sick.

Everywhere is blood. My pajamas I had been in when I was here are now a ripped pile of cloth on the floor bunched up with blood covering nearly ever surface. The room has a tangy scent to it, and I can see that someone put a bunch of Tangerine scented air fresheners around the room to give it a nicer smell. But I hate the smell.

I try not to focus on the damage I've done to my room as I toss the air fresheners into a bag. Things are knocked over, pools of my blood are in the carpet, - which no doubt I'll have to replace tomorrow - and something shimmers from my dresser. Dropping the bag, I make my way to the dresser where I had impaled myself in the first place, and I lean in to where I had walked into. My box cutter. When I moved in, I had needed a box cutter for opening all the boxes to get to my things. I must have either left it open or used again since September, because there is in fact blood on the cutter, and it matches the size of the gash on my side. The dresser had been the reason I had stopped in my path, but it was the box cutter that had caused me to lose all the blood.

I pick it up and close it carefully. I stare at it, as if examining it for anything. Then I open the damned thing and throw it across my room.

It hits the wall. But doesn't move. The knife is stuck in my black wall.

I nod with a satisfying "Hm!" and I continue cleaning my room up, sleep no longer a part of the question. I can't believe I'm going to sleep in here, where I had almost died. But what am I supposed to do, avoid my problems? I can't do that, I have to face them.

Like I have to face my problem with Dylan.

After half an hour of cleaning, I take the bag out of my room and go to toss it into the trashcan, passing quietly by Nicki's room. But I see the lights are on, as well as the ones in the bathroom. She must be up still. I take this time to toss the bag and then quickly make it back to the bathroom. I lean my ear on the door and I can hear Nicki inside. 

She's crying. I can hear quiet whimpers escape her lips and sniffles as she attempts to keep her tears down. But no such luck, because I hear her cry a little bit harder. She's not saying anything, just crying. She sounds so weak and defenseless. Like she could break if I knocked on the door and tried to comfort her. I don't think she deserves to be upset, to let Joey get to her this way. At least, I'm assuming that's why she's crying. Either she's upset that they aren't together, or it's another episode from the baby. She's been pregnant for coming up on three months now, since October. And the only people who know are me, Joey and Darren. I know it's getting harder for her to keep the secret.