Under Circumstances || Better Titled: What The Hell Are You Doing, Kaiba?

I'm sorry, don't worry, I want to die too, Kaiba.

It was quite some time later, weeks now.

It had just been the five of us for so long.

For a while, I had started thinking we were the only ones left.

The only ones in the area at least.

Yet, as time passed, we were proven wrong.

Late at night, as Jounouchi and I stood watch over our sleeping friends, as we sat by the fire, speaking in words which laced themselves with hidden meanings, we were blinded.

Lights shone off in the distance.

The mood which had been set between us vanished.

Worry came over me.

While new people could be useful, was it really okay now? We're they friendly? Hostile?

Jounouchi only seemed to grow excited as he watched these lights come nearer to us.

My hand hovered over the gun at my side.

The van stopped just short of us.

Before it did, a door was flung open and a girl threw herself out of it.

She was soon in Jounouchi's arms.

I deflated with relief.

Kawai Shizuka.

Who else was with them?

Upon seeing their reunion, I grew excited myself.

I was filled up with the hopes I had held onto of seeing Mokuba once more.

I waited for him.

Waited to see him jump from the van as well.

I waited.

Waited.

Waited.

Nothing.

Suddenly, that relief was replaced with worry.

He had to be with them.

He had to have been with Kawai.

He had been with her at the start, hadn't he?

They had been in the same class.

Where could they have been?

I was shaking.

I could hardly breathe.

People started leaving the van.

People I couldn't have cared less for.

Mokuba wasn't with them.

Even in his own joy, Jounouchi took notice of this.

He noticed now how I was effected.

He released his sister.

"Shi, is Mokuba with you?"

Her lips parted, breath escaped.

She looked to me.

I could see the guilt in her eyes.

I could see the sorrow.

My knees quivered.

My legs trembled.

Soon I couldn't stand.

Jounouchi was at my side in moments.

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't.

I

I needed to know he was okay.

I needed to know that he hadn't been hurt.

I looked at Kawai with pleading eyes.

She looked away.

"I'm sorry, Kaiba-sama."

I could feel Jounouchi stiffen beside me.

"Do you. . Do you know where he is, Shi?"

She nodded now.

I choked on the air which I tried to breathe.

I didn't want to hear it.

I didn't want to know what had happened to him.

I didn't want to think that he was anything but safe.

"He was. . ," I could see tears forming in her eyes as she spoke, "the first. . He was trying to protect us, but, he didn't. ."

She was quick to stop talking once she noticed I had started sobbing.

Mokuba was gone.

Jounouchi didn't release me, even as I tried to get away from him.

I wanted to be alone.

I didn't want to ruin this moment for him.

His sister was safe, his sister was here with him.

They needed to be allowed to celebrate this.

My mourning shouldn't have an effect on that.

Yet, he wouldn't let go.

He held me against his chest as I cried.

He motioned for his sister to go for now.

The others were starting to wake up with all the commotion.

My hands dug into his shirt.

I tried to calm myself.

I tried.

I knew that I needed to calm down.

I knew that I didn't need to be showing such weakness in front of all these new people.

If it had just been the five of us, if I had figured out while it was just us, I would have been fine with this.

No matter how I tried now, no matter how hard I tried to force myself to stop crying, the tears just wouldn't stop.

My voice just wouldn't stop coming out.

Soon, I felt others join Jounouchi in trying to comfort me.

Hands on my back and in my hair.

Gentle fingers wiping the tears from my face.

They were doing what they could now.

I knew these hands had to belong to those I had led for the past months.

I knew these hands belonged to the friends I had made.

I knew we must have been quite the scene for those who had come along with Shizuka.

I knew that I could have cared less.

I had lost my baby brother.

I'd never get him back.

I'd never see him again.

I'd never get to let him know how much I loved him.

He'd never know.

He'd never be here.

He was gone.

At these thoughts, how could I have stopped the tears?

At these thoughts, how could I have calmed down?

At these thoughts, how could I have forgiven myself?

Mokuba was gone, and it was all because I had forgotten.

Mokuba was gone, and it was all because I hadn't gone to save him.

Mokuba was gone, and there was nothing I could do.

In this moment, I wanted to die.