A Promise From My Heart

10.

NOORIE'S POV

Mum had always loved the rain, the slight drizzle and the heavy pitter-patter of tiny drops. She said it gives her peace of mind and there is a chill that comes with the torrent. It makes her reflective, the perfect time to think about things. 

After a scorching sun that leaves people sticky and uncomfortable comes the rain that cools everything. She loves the cold night and cool mornings that follows, the pleasant scent of the first rain that hits dry and hot ground after many months of sunny days, the smell of wet earth, the calmness that comes with the shower, and the soothing sound of it. Not just that, she said the rain is a blessing from above, a blessing that comes in form of countless drops.

I stared out of the window, listening to the splatter of drops against the roof and the shutters that shook to the wind. My eyes followed a bead of colourless liquid that crawled down the glass, merging into another until they disappeared. The little drops of cool water created a mist on the glass, stirring the urge to run a finger on the window just to write or create images on it. Mum loved to lie in bed, under her blanket, just to feel cosy. Most times, she falls asleep. Heavy downpour with lightening compels her to open the curtains, watch the sky while she talks to any of her children.

"Noor." A voice broke through the fog of thoughts, snapping my mind back to the present. I blinked as if coming out of a dizzy moment to see Doctor Smith watching me. "How are you feeling?" Her voice was supple, the kind that makes you yield to whatever she asks.

"Sad." I replied for the first time after meeting her twice.

"Why?" Her eyes bore into mine.

I looked back at the window. "Mum loved the rain." I started, memories rushing into my head. "It was her best weather. Since her death, there's an emptiness within me that no one can fill. It's a gap she left." My voice was low and graven with heavy sorrow that wrecked my heart. The atmosphere of the room hurled my mind into the immense pit of grief. It was as grey as the sky beyond the windows. "The morning on the day she died, she said she missed the rain. The night had been too hot. She did not enjoy her sleep." Accumulated moisture rolled down each cheek. "It rained few days later." My lower lip trembled. "The first rain of the year and she missed it." My face felt hot and maybe slightly pink because I was light skinned like my mother.

The days before her death, I had barely spent time with her. I was busy with what I can't remember. The day she died, I had just hugged her briefly before she left the house.

"I feel guilty." I sobbed.

"It's okay to feel this way. But I want to know it was not your fault."

"I feel like I did not cherish her presence enough. Maybe because I thought she was going to be there for a very long time. We had dreams together. I wanted to give her the best things money can ever offer. She had really tried in many ways to give us the best and make us who we are today without asking for anything in return."

"When you say we, I guess your siblings and you."

"Yes. My siblings and I. She was selfless. We were her number one priority before anything else. We had dreams. I am not sure I can fulfil any without her. We dreamt about my wedding day. My first job. She had a list of names she was going to name her grandkids, beautiful names. Do you know she already had a name for Brother Yusuf's unborn children? She refused to tell anyone. She said it was her secret. We will know when the right time comes but we never had the chance to know."

"I wanted her to travel the world, to places she had only dreamt about. Those people ruined it. We have no idea who they are but they had broken into my brother's home. Sister Amatullah who is the only witness can't remember a damn thing. Nothing! She only talks about her non-existing pregnancy every day and it pisses me off." I slapped my head. The impact vibrated through it.