A Promise From My Heart

11.

YUSUF'S POV

When my heart is heavy, my mind is filled with worry and there are a lot of thoughts swirling through my head, sleep's usually deprived for most part of the night. I rested in bed, anticipating and scared of what was yet to come, my eyes wide, staring into the dark, the bleakest of opinions swimming in my head. When I eventually fell asleep, my thoughts appeared in my dream and I rose again to continue reflecting from where I had stopped.

It has been a week since Amatullah got admitted in the hospital. A week since I had to spend the nights on my own again. We have parted ways many times, spent the night in different beds, thousands of kilometres apart yet I can't help the way my heart called out for her every night. It was unsettling knowing she is locked in a room as a mental patient, another doctor's case to study.

I listened to the rain that pelted against the roof in a steady rhythm. Wind howled, sweeping in wispy mizzle through the opened window at the other side of the room. A flash of lightening perked up the obscure that had swallowed the once bright sky. Along with the heavy downpour came memories engraved in a part of my heart.

As a child, I was scared of the rain. Most times, I ran to my parents' room to spend the night with them or Mum left their room to be with me until day break. I can remember hugging her tight, trembling at every rumble of thunder while she laughed at my fearfulness.

"You will grow up to be a man, Yusuf. You have to be strong. How will you take care of your younger one if you are scared of the rain?"

Then, I had no idea I was having a younger sibling coming on the way. The idea of having a younger one had not been appealing to me. Mum had said I used to cry each time she speaks about my unborn little sister. Noor's birth had left me in a river of tears. I had just stared at her and cried for reasons I can't remember. Maybe I hated the idea of someone coming to steal my parents' attention. I was the only child for six years which I was used to. I smiled into the dark, rising to rest my back on the pillow I had plopped against the bedpost. Little did I know there would be two more after Noor.

The light from the dying lamp toned down the darkness that dimmed the room. I treaded to close the window as the spray of water intensified. Beyond the window, the night was as dark as an endless hole. Power supply has been interrupted few hours back since the first sign of rain. The night was still, sucking in the sound of water that battered upon earth. Most people were asleep peacefully in their beds except for those who work at night and people like me who are restless. I doubted if the rain would give the night crawlers a chance to work.

Events from my last visit to my wife's ward replayed in my head. Amatullah was crying when I walked in on her. She had not done anything to hide the tears instead they increased. I saw relief in her squelchy eyes when I sat next to her like she has been waiting for me to arrive. Worry had crawled through me like morning fog moving over water. Did something happen? I glanced at the closed door of her ward as if expecting a nurse or doctor to walk in to tell me what had happened. Will they? I doubted it. They will only say something that might embarrass Amatullah and myself. The nurses were rude and cranky.

"Onitemi," I drawled, pulling her closer. Little blobs of crystal water dripped on her cheeks. She bursted into tears and threw her hands over me taking me off guard. "Did something happen?" Her reply were her muffled cries on my shoulder.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" I mused, a hand on her trembling back. Is it possible to cry for no reason?

"I just felt like crying then the tears started to spill."

If the situation was not serious, I would have laughed. "Amy," I pulled her away, my eyes searching her moist ones for answers. "You know you can talk to me. What happened?" I lifted a hand to her face, my thumb caressing her damp skin hoping the act will sooth her. She sniffled, taking my hand.