A Promise From My Heart

28.

There were a lot of progressive changes in my life. I can proudly say I have grown positively as a person. There is a great distance between where I used to be and where I am. This applies to every aspects of my life. The bitterness, hate and anger I used to harbour has faded away. They paved way for affability, love and serenity. There was beauty in the things around me. I had found more reason to smile.

One of the things I learnt was when you love yourself and you are filled with love, it is only then you can spread love around. My family was on the verge of healing. Dad was back on his feet, living life the way he used to. His businesses grew more than we expected. Alhaja's health improved. TY finally agreed to go to school again after dad told her he was changing her university to a private one for a direct entry course.

"You need the change. I believe it will help you." He had said while holding her against him, a hand trying to comfort her as she cried. "You have been through a lot the past few months. I can only imagine what you are going through."

"It has been so hard." She admitted between sobs. "There was a time I wanted to end it all."

"Alhamdulillah you did not. This will only make you stronger."

"I just feel I just wasted my life when I could have used it for better things."

"You have another chance to make it right. Besides, we all make mistakes. No one is above it."

"I am sorry, dad. For everything."

"It's alright my princess."

Every single day, there was a reason to be grateful for the friends I have. While some people got nothing but betrayal from friends, I was given loyalty, love and support from mine. They gave me a shoulder to cry on when I wanted to and we all had done the same to anyone who needed us.

I painted more often to relieve stress, dampen my anger and express my happiness and sorrows. It had become a thing of joy. I stopped because it reminded me of my mother but now, even though it reminded me of her, it no longer caused pain. Instead, it had been my way of connecting to mum. Although, she might not be here physically but she still lives within me.

My first painting after healing was something that told my journey through grief and loss. The dark colours that represented gloomy times and bright impasto that sprouted from it spoke of growth. I had recorded the process on my phone and posted it on my inactive instagram page then promoted it. It got the kind of recognition I did not expect. That brought traffic to my page and gave me more followers. My first private lesson as an art instructor was gotten from it.

Some random person online brought an idea that I should start paint sessions because she would love to attend one with me as the instructor. It was still an idea I was yet to explore. Before that, from time to time, I had posted my work and progress on my instagram page. I had active followers and people who were inspired by my work. I lost my mother and went offline for the longest time in my life. There was nothing to post because I did not paint for a while.

Starting my National Youth Service Corp (NYSC) helped me in a lot of ways. It started a new chapter in my life where I made new friends and had an opportunity to gain new experiences professionally. I got busy so it gave me less time to think. When I received my call up letter, there was a great deal of happiness and celebration in my house.

My father's laughter had boomed around the house, Kenny won't stop teasing me. It gave me a lot of feelings, uncertainty being one of them. I did not know what to expect. Amidst all the celebration and joy, I had gone back in time, to a conversation I had with mum. The thought of her first daughter serving made her smile.