A Promise From My Heart

29.

YUSUF'S POV

What do you want in a partner?

It seemed like a very easy question, so easy that many ended up with unrealistic expectations. The fairy-tale cartoons we watched as children and the millions of romantic movies and novels had implanted an unrealistic meaning of love in us. We grew up with such expectations in mind. Then we started falling in love and meeting people and the results are always never like they were in those movies.

When asked what I wanted in a partner, my answer was always someone who loves me, who is kind, attractive and the attributes goes on and on but most importantly, I wanted love, undying love. But, what is the meaning of love?

I expected love to be sparks flying around. I thought it was going to set my world ablaze, give me a mushy feeling all the time, constant laughter, no boring moment, and no pain or hurt. It has to be a manifestation of devotion that the present sensation will certainly not change. My partner would be perfect, it would be easy to ignore any negatives, and there would be unwavering assurance. There would be no change in the person's personality or character forgetting humans change, grow and develop. I expected love to grow and stay forever without much effort, my partner would constantly say I love you and mean it. Was it not love? No need for hard work. It was going to be perfect as long as the person loves me too.

As I grew older, I learnt it was not that way. Marriage with Amatullah confirmed it. My idea of love was crushed upon and I was left with a very bitter reality. Love is tranquillity. It is solace. It is quiet and does not send your world ablaze. Love is friendship. It is not always a fancy dinner or a trip to some beautiful island. It is that moment in the middle of the night when we both were hungry, her seated on the kitchen island, me resting against the counter opposite her while we talked and ate, our laughter quiet.

Love is the most little gestures we make. The little things we do and say like the moment she would look me in the eyes and give me a sincere compliment that makes my day special and periods she was thoughtful enough to sit through a football match with me even though she does not like it. Her reason, we can spend some quality time together. It was also the day I decided to do the dishes when she was so tired from work and had an early night. I remembered the appreciation in her eyes and how her smile had lit up her face.

Love is not unflawed. No one out there would meet all your requirements, match you fully and love you unconditionally. Love is unearthing joy in tough times and realizing that there might just be someone elsewhere who complements you enough. It is not magic the way we have been made to believe in those movies. Loving someone and being loved will not suddenly make everything right. It won't purport constant happiness but it will imply having somebody to share those secrets moments with, laugh with and to survive hard times with.

Many times with my wife, I felt at home. I knew I have found somewhere I belonged to, where I can be myself, laugh, jump and do a lot of things and she would play right along with me. My time with her taught me that love is a lot of things and it obtains different forms. Most of all, love can be simple.

I looked at her across the room, curled up in the sofa, the blanket over her as she did something to her phone. Her socks cladded feet peaked from the end of the blanket. She adjusted and pulled the blanket to her chin which made me chuckle silently. Who would believe few minutes ago we had argued about the air conditioner?

The weather was hot, so hot, I sweat more often than I used to. What I needed was a very cool atmosphere so I switched on the air conditioner. She complained about how cold the room was and switched it off. Thinking about it, we were hilarious and childish. Both of us stood next to the control, switching it on and off.