Paired

Paired: Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The only voice I couldn't block out.

"What are you doing here?" I asked hoarsely.

"Saving the love of my life." He smirked.

"I'm not the love of your life. You're not the love of my life."

"So, Fintan told you, huh?"

"Yes. I'm actually very disappointed in you."

"I'm not. I took the job, but I didn't know I would be so attached to the subject of the job." He stepped closer to me.

"Please stop. You never loved me. You obviously needed something, so you had to find a way to get to it, right?" I said, inching away.

"I wasn't lying when I said said I loved you," he said quietly, his green eyes boring into mine.

"Neither was I." I said.

"Then why," he said stroking his chin, "do you want me gone all of a sudden? I know you still love me, and I love you," he swallowed hard. "I'm better than Fintan. Why is it so hard to see that I'm better?"

"You're not better," I lied.

"You're very had to work with Chayna," he said, saying my name for the first time.

"And, that is why it's called resisting."

"Don't resist me, don't not accept the fact I love you."

I snapped. "You are a jerk! A coward! A dirty liar! A guy that doesn't care for a girl as much as he should! A cheater," I yelled.

"I should have told you the truth."

"A little late!" I was kind of on a yelling rant.

"I should've gotten it over with."

"Shut up!" I screamed.

"I should have..I should have..." his ego was shredding away.

"You should have left her alone." That wasn't my voice, it was Fintan's.

"Fintan?" I asked.

"Chayna?" He replied, mocking me.

"I was going to tell you..."

"Uh huh. Sure. Why is he here?" He questioned, not bothering to say his name, even though none of us in the room have said his name.

"He came to...Well, honestly?"

"Yes, the truth please." Fintan demanded.

"He came to, um, 'rescue' me," I murmured.

"Ryan came to save you," he said, saying Ryan's name for the first time since he came.

"Uh...Yea."

"What the heck is wrong with you?!" Fintan screamed at Ryan

"Wha-I didn't-I was-" Ryan stuttered.

"You can't even explain."

"I can," Ryan told Fintan.

"You're mad because she knows the truth. You're scared."

"Chayna, do you believe him?" Ryan asked me with a sad look in his eyes.

"Ryan, I-" and I stopped. You know why? Because I didn't know what to believe. I loved Ryan. That's all I know. I don't know whether to believe Fintan or not. Was there another way? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

"Chayna, please look at me," Ryan was pleading now.

"I can't." a silent tear escaped down my cheek.

"It's true!" he screamed. "I did it! I took the job! I didn't think I would fall in love with you! I...couldn't...I would never hurt you."

"I can't believe you," I told him.

"You can't believe me?" Ryan was crying now. I don't think I've ever seen him cry. "I had never felt love before, Chay. But I know I love you. If this isn't love...I don't know what is. I won't ever know what love is if this isn't it."

I didn't reply.

"Ryan, let's go ahead and put you in a holding cell, okay? Chayna will come around when she's ready," Fintan said.

Fintan led Ryan away and came back minutes later.

"Chayna," he said to me.

"What Fintan? What do you want?" I said fiercely to him, hoping he got the message.

"Are you okay?"

Well, that was an easy one. No. I'm not okay. My boyfriend is a gang member and wants to kill my dad for some stupid secret lab. He thinks he loves me. I'm scared that I think I love him too. When you put it like that, sure, it's fine. Was he really that oblivious?

"No."

"I'm sorry," Fintan said looking down at his feet.

"Why are you sorry?"

"I saw the way he looked at you."

Huh? Um excuse me? Did I miss something? "What do you mean?"

"I'm not the one to stick up for Ryan, but I once knew how it was like to love someone." He looked at me.

A huge lump formed in my throat. "You..loved me?"

He chuckled. "Still do. Still do, Chay," he smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry," was all I could think of.

"No, don't be sorry. I still love you, but you don't feel that way. It's not your fault."

"Fintan, I don't love Ryan," I lied.

"And Romeo didn't love Juliet," he laughed to himself. "I know you love him. I know what he did was wrong. But I do believe him when he said he fell in love with you along the way."

"You're so cheesy," I weakly punched his arm, trying to break the tension.

"Love isn't cheesy. Love is weird. Love is...special. Love is knowing you'll spend your entire life with the person you love."

I noticed that he wasn't covered with his...act. This was the real Fintan Ames. In the flesh and bones, down to the heart. He wasn't his cover; rude, mean, ignorant. He was..Fintan. I smiled at the thought.

"I think I did love you, once. I don't know when. I think it was a couple years after we met. When the girls at school," I laughed weakly. "they would...make up rumors about me, because I was Paired with you. They thought you were a prize, competing to get, you know? You were right next to me, shutting those girls up. But, honestly, you were you then. Like you are now. You're being nice, and sweet, and I know that it's too late to say this, but I love you for it. But I think you're right. I love Ryan. More, actually. I just can't...trust him, yet."

"I understand, I'm just glad that I know now that you did love me. Once."

"I wish I could love you more," I told him. "But I can't. I don't know how."

Then, suddenly, Fintan grabbed me and engulfed me in a bear hug. It was good. Not awkward at all. I had Fintan as my friend, or whatever he is to me. I'm sure if Ryan wasn't as nice as he was at my birthday party, I would've grown up, had kids, and grew old with Fintan. I would have been happy; I'm not going to deny it.

But then, Ryan came into my life faster than a car on the highway. He was just suddenly, there. And I'm thankful for that. But I still couldn't trust him. I didn't know what to do now.

But I was holding his interrogation tomorrow.