Silas Jones: The Gang Fight

1

The red flowers, baby blues and deep purple swirls gave a colorful background to the work environment of Silas Jones. He stood at his desk in comparative silence, watching his customers walking around the store, oohing and aahing at various items of clothing. The vast majority of them left without buying anything, but that didn't worry Silas one bit. He had the highest paying job he'd ever had in his 10 years in the work force. He was earning the large sum of $11.45 an hour, and he was pretty chuffed.

As he was contemplating life, or staring at a pretty girl, which to him was almost the same thing, the phone rang.

"SILAS YOUR LOCAL BOGAN HERE, HOW MAY I HELP YOU?' he shouted cheerily into the receiver.

"Mate seriously" an exasperated yet slightly amused voice replied. "How many flipping times do I have to tell you not to shout over the phone?"

"AW SORRY MATE, I FORGO-"

"Mate really just stop my ear hurts. This is Calvin, and I have a prob-"

"OH HEY CALVIN HOW YA DOIN?" Silas interrupted a bit over zealously. "I mean how ya doin?"

"Finally! Ok look" Calvin lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Is anyone around to hear us?"

Quickly glancing up, Silas' eyes roved over the shop. All eyes were on him but he ignored them. "NAH MATE ALL, I mean nah mate all clear.'

"Ok well, here's the thing. My illegal business dealing-"

"CALVIN YOU DO ILLEGAL STUFF? COOL!" Silas exclaimed loudly. Every eye would have turned to him but there was no need, they were already watching. Oblivious, he continued "SAME HERE!"

"Gah Silas man just SHUT UP AND LISTEN!"

"Yea yea ok no need to shout, I'm listening"

"Ok so as I was saying, my business dealing used underwear and decapitated teddies is going downhill. I have been having to sell my wares for lower and lower prices. I have a competitor a few blocks down. Now he has a business deal with some Chinese black marketeers so that he can import truckloads of decapitated teddies. And he gets em cheap. Quality stuff too, all say made in china. And he sells them for a song! But here is where I need your help." Calvin lowered his voice even lower till only a guttural croak was heard through the receiver. "Yesterday afternoon, I was walking down the street, when he jumped out from behind a rubbish bin. He shouted at me and threatened me with a knife, told me never to show my face in these parts again."

"ahh" comprehension slowly dawned on Silas' face. "So you want me to get a taxi driver to get you out of there?"

"No, I want you to gather up a bunch of mates and we'll have a showdown with him. The knife was one of the dangerous type. Imported from china."

"Pheewww" Silas whistled "man that's nasty! Ok I'll see what I can do, but mate, count me in. oh yeah I better get back to work. Cya." And with that Silas hung up and shouted "WHOOPPEEEEEE! I GET TO BE IN A REAL FIGHT AWW YEAH TAKE THAT BABY!" and he threw his phone straight into the face of a waiting customer.

"Wow, HEY ANYONE KNOW HOW TO DO CPR? THIS GUY IS SLEEPING?" Silas shouted to his customers. "Oh never mind I'll just close up, I have better things to do. ALRIGHT EVERYONE, KEEP WHAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR HANDS. SHOPS CLOSED, SO GET LOST!" and with that Silas left the unconscious customer and walked out the door, locking it then unlocking it to make sure it was secure. He changed the sign on Logan's #1 op-shop to closed, and walked off.

As he crossed the street, jaywalking naturally, his ears picked up the familiar, soothing cacophony of beeps, honks and skids. He looked up just in time to see a red faced driver swerve around him and give the local greeting, the middle finger raised. Silas, being the polite gentleman that he was, merrily returned the gesture.

With all the time in the world, he sauntered on down the street, until after walking two blocks, he came to his battered black commodore. He pulled out his keys, locked the driver's door for extra security, then reached through the windowless frame and unlocked the door from the inside. Hopping into his car, he started it straight away by pressing a red button, because for convenience, he had hotwired his car.

Doing a fully sick burnout, he drove 2 houses down the street and arrived at his own home. Driving his car half way up the steps, he got out and threw his car keys through the broken window, where he always kept them. Then, walking through the empty door frame of his house, he shouted "I'M HOME!" hearing no answer, he repeated his exclamation. Finally satisfied that no one else was home, he crashed on the battered old couch next to his front door and went to sleep.