Silas Jones: The Gang Fight

14

As Silas approached the light post, he slowed down to a walk. His mouth hung open catching the occasional moth. His eyes were fixed on the piece of, in his opinion, perfect feminine beauty. Their eyes met and she giggled, her well endowed body bouncing in time with her delicate laughter. She leaned forwards and blew him a kiss. He stared at her chest, straining at the thin stretchy material that held it captive. This was too much for poor old Silas. His mind went into hyperspace, and he blacked out then and there. When he woke up, he was bouncing up and down, as something hard pressed sharply into his stomach. As his eyelids fought to stay shut, he heard ragged breathing. Finally curiosity overcame him and he opened his eyes. "HEY WHERE AM I?"

He shouted curiously. All he could see were black leather heels and the the streets of Ipswich passing below him. Rowan's voice replied from near his stomach. "Thank... (pant gasp wheeze)... god your.... (pant gasp wheeze)... awake." with that Silas was roughly deposited, well dropped head first, onto the cracked surface of the road. Rowan collapsed in sweaty heap next to him. With his usual stupid grin plastered across his face, Silas bellowed, "AH ROWAN MATE, HOW YA DOIN? WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT PRETTY GIRL... WAIT WHAT DID SHE LOOK LIKE AGAIN?"

Rowan sat up and slapped his forehead. "Hold up mate... i just gotta... catch my breath."

"WHY?"

"I FRICKEN CARRIED YOU 13km!!! AND CAN YOU NOT SHOUT SO MUCH?!"

"Sure mate...no need to shout" Silas said surprisingly normally. Three worms dropped out of his hair in shock. Silas Jones actually talked normally for once. "SO WHY WERE YOU CARRYING ME?" shaking his head in despair, Rowan gave up like so many before him, and accepted the fact that Silas would always shout.

"First things first", he started out, evidently having recovered from his trek. "That pretty girl? Thats Lilly Harshbarger. She is this area of Ipswich's one and only hooker."

Silas mouth hung open. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME SHE DOES.... THAT?" his voice cracked on that. Rowan laughed humorlessly "No, she doesn't. She is one of the most perverted women you've ever met though. Her idea of being a hooker is guys paying her to kiss her feet and clean her home."

"I'D KISS HER FEET!" Silas burst out a little too enthusiastically.

"No no no, you misunderstand. Lilly takes you as a slave into her home. She makes you transfer $100 from your bank account every day till your empty, while making you work. When your out of money, she kicks you out. She's a typical feminist. And a Jew at that." he spat viciously on the ground. He took a look at Silas and saw his puppy dog eyes. "No, we are not going back. Anyways, you passed out when you saw her, so picked you up and ran before she got both of us. We're almost there now."

"LILLY'S HOUSE?" Silas asked hopefully.

"No you dimwit, the pub. Drinking contest?"

"OH YEAH" Silas shouted again, all thoughts of Lilly forgotten. "LET'S GO WIN!"

As the two walked the last few hundred metres to the front of The Ulster, they gazed left and right. Surrounding the entrance in all directions were clusters of drunk patrons. The Ulster was one of the most infamous bars of all Ipswich.

Patrons came from every district, alley and street lamp to find solace in the original craft brews sold there. One of the locals had made his own variant of the Trippa Snippa©, and many flocked to try it. The standing bet was, if you could eat a whole one, and still be conscious, you got free drinks for the rest of the night. If you couldn't eat it, or you passed out, you would have pay for every drink bought that night. Many were drawn in at the prospect of free drinks, and many also lost a lot of money. The attendance rate varied from night to night, going anywhere from the hundreds to the thousands.

As the two compatriots slowly stepped over passed out forms and avoided puddles of sloppy second hand food, they were met by another group of 3 men. Bodeen, Jake and Reano. They smiles of everyone bar Silas turned upside down as they saw each other.

They stopped and faced each other. Silas looked questioningly at them. He opened his mouth and was about to shout something when Rowan beat him to it. "HUNTERS UNION TRASH!" he screamed.

"GUNSLINGING MUMMIES BOY!" The three replied in unison. Bodeen continued, "STEALING OUR RIGHTFUL HUNTING TERRITORY! ACTING ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY! LETS SEE HOW YOU LIKE A DUEL WITH A REAL HUNTER!" His hand moved to his bowie knife, always on his belt. "Fine by me." Rowan growled, his hands moving to the revolver at his belt.

The crowd of drunks had suddenly become alive. They surrounding the 5 men, pushing in ever closer. The chant started from nowhere in particular, but it was soon picked up by all. It went something like this. "Fight.... Fight.... Fight.... FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"