Sold (Jay Park) (Bang Yongguk)

Humble Beginnings

-FLASHBACK-

"Ugh! Can't you fucking do anything right?"

My ten-year-old self looked back at my mother with fearful eyes. "Ashley, look at me." I picked my head up. "Go to your punishment corner, I'll call you when I'm ready". I turned around and started my walk down the hall. The further I walked, it seemed the farther the door was. I reached my hand out towards the doorknob and walked into the room. I walked to the corner and faced the wall. My hands trembled as I thought of what my punishment would be. My eyes search the room. This room that is filled with many memories. Memories of pain and punishments. All the painful memories that I wish to forget. 

Time slowly starts to pass by. My feet are sore, and I can feel my eyes begin to drop low. My head drops a bit and my forehead hits the wall. I wince at the pain and rubbed my where it hurt. I stood there staring at the wall. Is she coming? Is she going to hurt me again? My mind raced. All of a sudden I had the urge to pee. I cross my legs hoping that the feeling will go away. Focus Ashley, just focus! I looked at the candle on the bureau. My eyes zoomed in on the small fire. Just focus on the candlelight, don't think about anything else. The harder I try to hold it in, the harder it becomes to do so. But then, it happened, the warm liquid streams down my leg. Oh No!

"Ash-". I look up to see my mother's face and freeze. She stares back at me.

"Mo-mommy I-I-I'm sorry." , I began to cry. Her lips turned up into a twisted smile."Aw don't worry baby it's alright, " she says as she walks toward me. My body is completely paralyzed. When I look at her, I see the face of an angel, but when I look even deeper, I can see the devil deep inside. She holds her hand out toward me. 'C'mon". I don't move. "Baby it's okay, you're alright." She smiles at me and strokes my face. I flinch at her touch. Her face turned cold. "So that's how it's gonna be huh? Everything that I fucking do for you huh!" The same hand that was lovingly stroking my face earlier had now been raised back and slammed against my cheek. My tears start streaming down my cheek as I bring my hand up to my throbbing face.

"What are you crying for? Huh? You want me to give you something to cry about? I raised you and this is the ungrateful shit that you do? You. Are. So. Ungrateful!" She smacked me between each word. At this point, my face felt as if it had been stung by a thousand bees. It hurt so bad! But I know better than to cry. My eyes stare at her feet. I can't even bear to look into her eyes at the moment. "Ashley! Look at me! And don't make me tell you again" she threatened. Slowly, I lift my head up and my eyes meet hers. We stare at each other for a moment. "Go into the kitchen!" I slowly walked passed her. My face was soaked with tears. My feet dragged across the wooden floor. What was a 15-second walk, felt like an hour walk.

I walked into the kitchen, there was a pot of water cooking on the stove. I can hear my mother walking towards me. My heart starts racing. She comes in with the same straight face and pulls out a chair. "Sit" she commands. As I sit in the chair, she grabs the pot off the stove. I watch her stand in front of me. My heart is pounding through my chest. She gives me her devil smile and she begins to pour the water on me. I cried out in pain as the water touched my lap. Immediately I jumped up knocking over the chair behind me. How can she do this to me? Her own flesh and blood. I immediately ran into my room and locked the door behind me. My skin seared in pain. I look down at the open blisters on my lower thighs. This is my fault, I shouldn't have upset her. 

-END FLASHBACK-

It's a sad thing how life works. The very person who is supposed to be protecting you, the person who is supposed to guide you is the same one who is harming you. I guess that's just the way it is. This is my life. Physically I am here, but mentally I am far far away. Any person can have a child and call themselves a parent. But a real parent puts their child above their own selfish needs and wants. But sadly I don't have a "parent" who is willing to do so. I live with a mother who doesn't know how to love. She would rather stick heroin into her arm, then be a mom. But I guess I can't blame her. There actually was a time where she was loving. Back when my father was around everything was going great. But then everything changed when he left. Everything changed when he got his mistress pregnant. I would've forgiven him, I think my mom would've as well. But one day he packed his bags and left. From then on, she despised me. She didn't really spend much time home, but when she was home, it was hell. There wasn't a time when I didn't have bruises. If I even looked at her the wrong way she'd black my eye. If I even coughed in her space, she would black my eye. I don't know how much longer I can take of this.

"ASHLEYYYY!!!"

Ugh here we go again. The woman of the hour. She stumbles into my room drunkenly. I can smell all the liquor on her breath. "Do you know, how hard things are for me?' She stumbles with her words as she tries to remain balanced. Holding herself up onto the desk by the door. Her hair's a mess and her clothes are slipping off her body. Her skin that was once nicely tan now sags with dark marks.

"LOOK AT ME!" she stumbles forward falling to the ground. She points her finger to me. "YOU! Everything happens because of YOU!" She gets up and tries to take a step forward but ends up falling forward again. I look down at her. Her eyes are bloodshot. This is my mother. My oh so caring mother. Marie Santana, who used to live life passionately, the woman who was once adventurous, who was once caring is now this thing in front of me, She stumbles back up her weight up on the edge of the desk and leaves the room. I was nine years old when she first picked up a habit. I woke up to hearing clatter coming from downstairs. Slipping out of my bed, I headed downstairs. That was when I first saw her, in the corner of the room, pushing a needle in her arm. My eyes widened. At the time I didn't know what I was seeing, but I was horrified.

"Do you know what I have tonight?" I turn my head and see my mother at my door again.

"What?"

"A date!"

"Okay."

"Aren't you gonna ask who is the lucky guy that gets to date me?"

Why the fuck is she even speaking to me? "Who is it?"

"The nice man from downstairs, apartment 3b."

I just looked at her. Her lips are twisted into a smile. I don't understand why she is telling me all of this. Is she even serious? This "amazing" man that she was talking about is Robert, a well-known dealer. This explains where she's always at, at night. How can she be so stupid? She doesn't work, neither does he. He's probably supplying her with the drugs. He's known for pimping too, she's probably one of his hoes. Whatever, it's not like I care, as long as she's with him, she's out of my hair.

"Have fun!" She smiles at me. Her eyes were still bloodshot. She turns around and walks back out.

*Later on, that night*

I got up from my bed and walked towards the window. I see my mother getting into a black and watched as they drive off. Another night alone.