Dark Paradise

I can't remeber the last time I was ever honestly happy in my life time, which to some may seem sad considering im just a few months short of being eighteen. I'm not your average teenage girl who parties,does drugs and sleeps with her whole school. No I am far from that, i am like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off that has been ticking since I was only two years old. Looking at me you would not take me for a girl who is broken on the inside beyond repair, you wouldn't notice how I no longer carry a twinkle in my eyes and you sure as hell would'nt know that  inside my head is a battle field and I am losing . 

  "Peyton"  the sound of my name makes my eyes slowly open. 

   'What"  I ask closing my eyes again. 

   "I'm leaving"  my moms says as she begins to close the door to my room again. 

   "Shocker"  I mumble to myself as I get out of bed and head to the bathroom. I look into the mirror at the refection of myself, messy hair and oversized shirt. I don't look at myself for too long before I walk into the kitchen. There's a note on the counter 

Your dad called, he sounded drunk again. 

"When is he not?"  I mumble to myself as I look for something to eat while i make up my mind on calling my dad back or not. Thirty minutes later my phone is in my hand and dialing the number of the man who helped create me but then left. 

  "Peyton"  his voice says on the fourth ring. 

   "yes?"  I say already fully annoyed with him and his drunkness

   "i mi-iss you" he drunkenly slures 

   "well it has been four months since you last made the effort to see me" I say getting angry 

   "Why do you always have to be a bitch to me? That is not how a daughter should act towards her dad"   he says the drunk rage in his voice all too familiar. 

  "Maybe i wouldn't be such a bitch if you didn't leave and blame it all on me, maybe I wouldn't be such a bitch if you had made the slightest effort sober. But you don't and you never will. Don't call me again" I say fully pissed off at him as i hang up the phone. 

I sit there silent as the only memories I have of my dad come back, all of in which hes drunk and yelling at me in. I'm suddenly back to being eight and running to get a pan to him with as he's about to hit my sister.  The sound of the front door opening brings back back to now and i turn around and see my sister. She looks just like me but a little shorter and skinnier than me with shorter hair. 

   "What are you doing here?"  I ask her finding it odd she's here since she moved out over a year ago. 

    "Just wanted to check in on you, I haven't been over much and I know moms not home much anymore"  She says looking at me. 

     "I'm fine" I tell her with a fake smile that I've mastered so well. 

     "Alright Peyton. I'm heading to work. if you need anything call me. I love you." She tells me nicely but I know deep down she is praying she won't get a call from her beloved little sister. 

    "Love you too"  I say back to her just as the door begins to shut again leaving me to wonder if she actually believes I am alright. 

I look around at the empty apartment round me realizing I am more alone than ever. My phone goes off with a text that says: 

    We are going out  tonight, and I have a boy for you 

I smile as read the text wanting nothing more to numb the pain.