Dark Paradise

Chapter 8: Backwards

 I move my hand but it doesn't touch anything making my eyes open. The spot next to me is no longer occupied making me frown. I sit up and notice a note on my bedside table, I reach over and begin to smile. 

Hey there cutie, I see you have woken up and notice I am not next to you which is really lame cause I didn't want to leave but Michael and Luke drove over and picked me up for practice :( But anyways I gotta go, my keys are next to this note so once you wake up and get ready drive over to Luke's. (It's in the navigation already for you) 

   -Ashton

I set the note back on the table and look at my phone which has unread messages. 

From Ashton: Wake up Peyton I'm bored

 9:30 AM

 To Ashton: I'm up now :) When did you leave?" 

 9:59 AM

 From Ashton: Tooo early :( 

 10:00 AM 

 To Ashton: Awww :( I am going to go shower and get ready

 10:01 AM

 From Ashton: YOU'RE COMING OVER AFTER RIGHT?! 

  10:02 AM 

 To Ashton: Yes Ashton :) 

  10:03 AM 

I put my phone back down and head out of my room to the bathroom, I look in the mirror and see the bruises that are still just as bad if not worse. I take off my shirt and look down at my wrists which still look just as bad and I knew that they would. 

You know once he gets to know you better Peyton he's gonna leave, once he sees those cuts on your wrists and the scars on you he's gonna be gone just like the rest of them. Why put yourself through this again?  The voice in my head says to me and I know it's right. I  know once he discovers I am not the amazing girl he thinks I am he will leave and if that doesn't make him leave the cuts and scars on my body from myself will. 

Cause who would love a girl with scars from herself, from a battle in her head that she is clearly losing?  

I finish undressing and then step into the shower closing my eyes as the hot water hits my skin making my thougths run wild. 

What am i doing? 

What am I thinking? 

I am not thinking obviously.

I can't get feelings. If I let myself catch feelings for him it will complicate so much more.

I have already caught feelings for him.

 Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuuuck. 

Way to go Peyton, this is just what I needed to catch feelings for a guy I hardly know . A guy who will leave. 

"Stupid fucking party, stupid fucking Maddie, stupid fucking drinks, stupid fucking mom, stupid fucking bruises, and most of all stupid fucking me" I yell as my fist connects to the tiles of the shower. I rinse out the conditioner that I put in my hair sometime during the time my thoughts got the best of me. Turning off the hot water I move the shower curtain and grab the towel. I look at the girl in the mirror and wonder where she got lost at, her eyes used to shine so bright, her smile used to touch her eyes back when it was real, she used to think that she was loved, she was so oblivious.