Dark Paradise

Chapter 17: Dark Paradise

 I don't honestly know how long I sat on the bathroom floor sliding a blade against my skin, I don't know when I decided to go deeper with every slice and I don't know how long I watched the white tiles of the floor turn red. I must have sat there for a while because as the voices called out my name i was sinking farther and farther into the dark and by the time the door to the bathroom was pushed open and I saw him staring at me I knew there was no turning back as the monsters in my head pulled me away. I could hear him calling my name and yelling but at that point my eyes had closed and the part of me that wanted to live had scurried away in a corner of myself and disappeared leaving the monsters victorious. I could feel him pull my body against him and his body shaking beneath me, I could hear him begging me but I was too far gone to even try to tell him he would be ok.  I completely gave up and let the monsters in my head conquer me as Ashton's voice said three little words. 

*******

 I hear the beeping of the machine that is monitoring my heart but I don't open my eyes, I have failed once again. I hear the door to my room open which is odd but I keep my eyes closed as the sound of foot steps get closer and closer to my bed until they stop. I feel a light touch against my hand as if they don't want to hurt me more than I already have. 

  "Peyton, please" A broken voice says, a broken voice that belongs to Ashton. The memory of him pushing the door open and seeing me comes back to me, his voice pleading with me like he is now. 

  "Please don't be gone. You can't be gone. You were the princess and I was supposed to save you." He says. I can hear him sniffling and I know he's crying. 

  "Ashton, don't cry, I'm not worth crying over" I hear myself say before I even made up my mind that I was going to say anything. 

  "What do you mean.... Wait Peyton?!" He says as I open my eyes only to be met with the sight of once a happy pair of hazel eyes that are now full of sadness and blood shot. 

  "What are you doing here Ash?" I say trying to talk but the throat is dry and feels like it's a dessert. 

  "Here" He says grabbing the cup of water from the table to the side of him and brings the straw to my lips letting me drink. 

  "How long have you been here?" I ask him finally. 

  "Since you got brought here, so a few days?" He tells me as he sets the cup back down. 

  "Peyton" He says after a few minutes of silence between us. 

  "No, stop I don't want your pitty Ashton." I say softly but I can hear my voice crack. 

  "You are my girlfriend, it's not pitty, it's called me giving a fuck" He says starting to losing his calm making me say nothing cause i know he has more to say. 

  "Do you know what it was like to walk into a bathroom with my girlfriend on the floor bleeding and her just sitting there looking lifeless and not responding as I beg her to stay alive?" He says looking at me. 

  "I told you Ashton, I told you don't waste your time on me" I tell him closing my eyes. 

  "Well it's too late now cause I fucking love you now Peyton" He says making me open my eyes as he gets up and walks to the door before pausing to look at me before shaking his head and opening the door, walking out. 

  "I love you more" I whisper to the now empty room as emy eyes start to water. 

Well look at that, you did it you fucked him up and he left. Nice one Peyton, real fucking nice. 

  "I'm glad to see you're up Peyton" A nurse says as she walks over to me. 

  "I'm not" I mutter.