Resolution

Twenty Six : Harry

Twenty Six : Harry

// for all the Harry girls out there //

Things were going well. After coming back from England, the paparazzi were crazy about us but Saffron and I managed to successfully ignore it so, naturally, everything seemed well.

Christmas was approaching and even though I was gutted I couldn’t go home to celebrate it—because of work—I was somewhat glad I had an excuse to stay in LA and spend the holiday season with Saffron. So that’s how we ended up cuddling up on my apartment couch in front of the TV watching some daytime television show, two weeks out from Christmas.

My fingers were tracing light patterns on her arm—something I knew she found comforting—as the guy on the screen prattled on about some sort of deep love. I couldn’t help but laugh. Saffron stifled a giggled. “He sounds like an idiot.”

“He does, doesn’t he?” I jested. “They’ve known each other three days. There’s no way he can love her that much.”

She yawned. “Some people are so ridiculous. I think I might have a nap. Wake me up an hour before everyone’s due over for dinner so I can get ready.”

“Sure thing babe,” I replied mindlessly as she got comfortable against my chest.

I leaned back and she snuggled into me. I grinned despite myself and kept my arm around her. But something else was niggling at my mind. That tiny talk of love ignited lingering thoughts within my brain.

Love.

Such a small word yet such a big meaning. I bit my lip in thought.

Did I love Saffron? Was I close? Did she love me?

Those were questions I constantly asked myself. I mean, what was love anyway? Was it thinking constantly about someone, wanting to hold them, touch them, and kiss them all the time? Was it hurting when they hurt? Showing them every inch of your life? Giving them every part of you?

Was love a good thing? Was love real?

I grew up with two woman. Of course I pondered these questions.

I wasn’t too sure if I loved Saffron though. I wasn’t sure if enough time had passed for me to make that decision. She made me happy though. Immensely happy. So I think that was at least a base for love.

I shifted slightly so I could get a better look at her face. She’d already dropped off to sleep, her face the most passive I would ever see it. She looked years younger when she was sleeping.

She was always so fierce and strong, always so determined to throw up walls so no one could hurt her. But when she was sleeping, she looked like an innocent little girl. The girl you wanted to protect.

Nothing like the fearless woman she made herself out to be.

But she was; fearless, I mean. Well, she gave off that vibe anyway. But sometimes, when it was late at night and I was lying awake in bed thinking to myself, I always wondered if it was all just an act. And that Saffron wasn’t as strong as she thought she was and really, she was just as scared as very other poor soul roaming this earth.

But that was always a thought because you would think that maybe, if it were true, she’d show me that side. Therefore, either it didn’t exist, or she was still keeping that emotion from me. Either she was actually strong and I had the whole of Saffron, or I still had more layers to peel back.

And if that was the case, then I think love was still out of the question.

+   +   +   +

The anchor I had inked over my I can’t change tattoo was fresh and real. I smiled at it as Saffron peered over my shoulder. “You going to tell me what it means yet?”