All the Reasons To Hide

Blood and Dirt

Hello, my name is Mitch Grassi and I am 18 years old. I moved to New York when I was 16 in order to escape Arlington Texas. Why? Well I guess you'll have to find that out. Oh and one thing I forgot to mention, in the state of Texas,
I'm dead.

Two years ago
I'm walking home from school with a bloody lip, bruises everywhere, and I'm feeling faint. Just another day of beatings non stop on and off, for me and Scott. Ah Scott his life would be so much better if he had never met me. I almost wish he hadn't, but I'm selfish and regardless of how many beatings we receive together he still comes to check on me. He still comes to make sure I'm okay.
I get home and unlock the door, pain shooting through every part of my body, I await Scotts arrival but it never comes. Scott never shows up to my house to make sure that I'm okay, to clean me up, to make sure i don't any serious injuries. I don't but he doesn't know that yet. I just hope that he's okay, he has to be. What if he got jumped?! What if he's dead?! I have to find him, I need to make sure that he's okay for once. I grab my coat and race to the alley we were last beat up at school, he's not here. I look everywhere we have received beatings together and also alone.
Scott is no where to be found, I have Checked in every place possible and he just isn't here. He's not at home either and starting to really get worried, where the hell could he be?
I've been walking and searching for hours and I still can't find him, there's only one place I haven't checked.
The alley. The place all the Fuck boys hang out and smoke. This is uncharted territory for me but what if they're holding Scott captive here? What would I do! What could I do? Forget my injuries they'll heal, at this point Scott may never. I couldn't handle my best friend being damaged, the one that I'm in love with can't be hurt. He's gonna be okay, I haven't found him yet but he's okay he has to be.
I slowly creep into the shadows of the alley, trying not to cough from all the smoke going into my lungs, it's terrible. But it got far worse when I saw him. Scott.
Completely okay. In my heart I felt huge relief, he's fine, he's okay, he's laughing? Scott's laughing and smoking with our tormentors. He's smoking?! He's acting like they are his best friends what the actual fuck! I am his best friend not them!! Clearly he has no idea what he's doing, maybe if I grab his arm when no ones looking, I can pull him away and then maybe we both won't get beat up. So that's exactly what I do.
When they all look the other direction, I crouch behind Scott and grab his arms trying to pull him with me. He doesn't budge even after he sees that it's me. Instead of leaving with me, he does the unthinkable.
"Hey! Everyone! Look who decided to join the party! My 'boyfriend' Mitchie!! Looks like we are gonna have a lot of fun with him." His friends hear what he just said, all high idiots. They turn to him and start laughing. Scott yanks me up by my shirt. I've always been small so he can lift me pretty easily. He shoves me into the brick wall, his friends behind him laugh as my head smashes along the brick. I won't cry, I don't want to. But when I think about who's doing this to me I can't seem to fight back tears, they all seem to fly out of eyes, falling down my face as he stands over me.
"Awe look little Mitchies crying, you better stop or your gonna get it so much worse. Are you wearing makeup?! You are! Oh my god, you know only girls wear makeup, and it's dripping down your ugly ass face." Every word he spits is like a knife to the heart, I can't do this knowing what Scott is now. It's like everything he loved me for, he absolutely hates now. I'm not sure if it's because he's high and has no idea or because he's been faking it forever.
"Any last words princess?" When he says that he spits on me. It feels like fire and all his friends cheer. Yay! Your hurting a kid that's a lot smaller than you! Fun! This is my boyfriend, well my ex boyfriend now. Scott i love you but this is way to much. Why would you hurt me like this. There are many things that I wanted to say, but all I could muster through the sobs and the tears was,
"You were my everything." And then they were upon me. Punching me, kicking me, making me bleed, slamming me into the wall. All I feel is pain nothing more, I can't even think.
Finally they finished pushing me into the wall one last time and then all I saw was black.
************************
Pain.
More and more pain. Everything hurts, the only thing that hurts more than my body is the memory of the person who started it. I slowly open my eyes and try to figure out where I am.
Still in the alley covered in blood. Checking my now cracked phone I realize that school started two hours ago. I have a pretty far walk to school so I guess I'm going in yesterday's clothes. Great another day to see Scott, I don't think I'll be able to do this for much longer.
I slowly make way to the entrance of school still covered in dirt and dry blood from last nights events. Grabbing all my books I head to the class I go to right before lunch. I sit next too Scott so this should be fun. Nobody expects me to walk into class looking like this but I'm beyond caring. I walk into the room trying not to cry yet again going over last nights events. Everyone's staring at me, I just look down and walking to my seat, tears slowly leaking out my eyes. I can't believe it! I'm such a crybaby, but I can't help it, it just hurts so bad that Scott did this. Scott hasn't even looked at me yet, I'm not sure if he remembers or not, while he's reading he leans over to talk to me.
"Hey baby, Im so sorry that I didn't come over to check up on you I-"
"I looked for you everywhere." I can barley make out a whisper.
"I know and I'm so sorry, you mean everything to me you know that, I was just-"
"I didn't mean everything to you last night."
"All I did was forget, I got us set for life though. None of those guys will ever touch us again."
"How do you know."
"They apologized to me and invited me into the alley with them. I learned that they are just misunderstood like you and I. They even offered me a smoke, I figured I take it to show good faith. But I don't remember much after that."
"That's what happens when you get stupidly high."
"I wouldn't say it was stupid, it wasn't a big deal."
"It was too me." I'm crying harder the more he talks, I can't handle it anymore. He looks over at me and sees all of me, the bruises, the cuts, the blood. He looks complete and totally shocked.
"Oh my god! Baby what happened?!"
"Don't you know your own, knuckle marks?"
"What do you mean, what happened?"
"If you don't know than I really underestimated everything about you. I never ever thought you would hurt me. Don't touch me! Don't talk to me! Don't even go near me! I woke up in the alley because you got high, I woke up in a pool of my own blood while you got to sleep safe in bed! I'm done Scott i can't do this anymore." I get up to storm out and leave when he grabs my hand.
"Mitch, maybe you deserved it. I-"
"If you don't let me go, I'm the next five seconds I'm going to scream." He let's go and I run away. Down the halls, out the door, as far away from Scott as possible. No one person can live like this!!! No one person can live like this at all, no one is home at my house so I quickly run in and start packing, a small backpack full of the food, clothes, and money I will need. I'm going to run away. But so no one finds me, I'm going to leave suicide notes to the three people I cared about the most. I throw the bloody clothes on the floor and messily open the packet of razors making sure they all know I took that. I'm going to leave the window open, and then I'm going to start walking, leaving my cellphone so I can't be tracked. I carefully put the notes out for them to read. To my mom and dad so they make sure they know that this isn't their fault and that I love them but I am in fact going to kill myself. I'm not but they don't have to know that. But to Scott I write,
Dear Scott,
Your one of the reasons why I'm "dead." I will not be coming back, ever. Don't look for me, I don't want to be found. But take this last piece of information,
I. Am always. Watching. You. And I will forever. You know, I always figured that even if everyone in the world was against me I still had you. What you did really really stung, have a nice life Scott. Be happy with your decisions.
And with that I set out, out my window into the day. Making sure to hide. The minute I get to my final destination I'm going to change myself entirely. Meaning tattoos, piercings, and cutting and dying my hair. I have a ton of money. That's what happens when your an only child, good income from jobs, college funds, and allowances. I can't believe it! I'm actually doing it! I'm finally going to start my life, I'm finally getting away from who I used to be. Mitch Grassi is no longer who I am, from this day forward I'll only go by Mitch Colby.