All the Reasons To Hide

He Who Stands Before Me

Everything has gone as planned. As far as in concerned he's just the typical fan. But that's the thing, he's not. He's the love of my life who I'm being forced to let go of for my mental health.
His last day in New York was two days ago. I wanted to go and see him but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. We don't know each other. Got it. I have officially finished tour and my second album is dropping in a few weeks giving me at least a month break before I have to start interviews and stuff again.
I love being on break i don't have to do anything, but I still feel like somethings missing. Ever since I saw him again. My life has changed. Everything should be going back to normal now that he's back in Texas. At least I hope.
I'm meeting Kirstie and Starbucks so we can go and talk a little. We haven't had much time for girl talk so I'm excited.
"Hey Mitchie!!" I visibly shudder.
"Uh oh, whats wrong?"
"What? Oh, nothing I'm fine."
"No your not. You stopped shaking when I call you Mitchie and now all of a sudden that names a trigger for you again. What happened?"
"Scott came back and fucked everything up and even though I don't want to I just can't help but wish he was here now." She fidgets uncomfortably in her seat when I see it, a letter.
"Kirstie, what's that?"
"A letter, I figured you would want to have it."
"I don't want it."
"Yes you Mitch! Stop lying to yourself! He's sorry! Let him be sorry."
"You knew what happened before I told you? You met up with him. That's why you called me Mitchie. No I'm not taking the damn letter!"
"Mitch stop!" She shoves it into my hands and I stare at the envelope. My hands shaking as I do so. I won't open it. I just stare at the outside of the envelope when I see, it's already been opened.
"You opened my damn letter?! You read what my private information! You still want me to read it!! What the hell!" I grab the letter along with my stuff and  went to leave Starbucks.
"You know next time, just stay out of my life!" Then I left. I ran straight home without stopping and lock myself in my room.
As I closed the door I just stood their. It's been two days since he left and it already feels like years. Why did he have to come back!!! He ruined everything!
I grab whatever I could find in my room and start throwing my things at the wall. Screaming and crying destroying everything I have that reminds me of him. I finish my tantrum by collapsing into the bed breaking down into even more sobs. Why would he write me a letter?! I thought I was perfectly clear! I don't want to know Scott Hoying anymore! He's breaking my heart and he doesn't even know it. Still sobbing I hear Kirstie come into the apartment, damn her! She totally fucking messed up my life! What did I do that was so bad to deserve this? I run out into the living room and she looks at me, my rear stained face holding the letter that I don't want to read.
"Just open it Mitch."
"No way in hell! You know what I think of this?" I begin the tear the letter into millions of little pieces screaming as I do.
"And you can shove those up your ass!" I then stormed away and didn't come back for weeks.
*four months later*
Those few weeks I spent without Kirstie were complete and utter torture. So I went back and we made up. But here's the thing, the name Mitchie has officially been tainted. She is no longer allowed to call me by the name Mitchie. That's Scotts old name and the name she called me when she was deceiving me. Therefore I no longer want to be called that. Maybe one day in the future but for now the word just triggers to many memories for me to contemplate. Seriously my mind if too jumbled to even form a question right now. My thoughts are constantly clouded with Scott. It's all about Scott, everything i do is about-
That random fan I met a few months ago. Ugh I hate this. All I want is to be happy again but I'm just not. I'm not sure I ever will be. But if he ever came back I'd have to make him leave my life again, and then start to heal all over yet never fully recovering. It's been four months since I have seen him and he's finally vanishing from my thoughts.
"Mitch! We have a new neighbor!"
"Wait really? Someone bought out that old dump?"
"Yeah I here he's planning on fixing it up for him to live in."
"He?" I raised my eyebrows trying to hint at if she heard he's cute or not.
"Don't get your hopes up, I've heard he's moving here to be closer to the one he loves and win them back."
"Shoot, why are all the good boys taken." I slump down in my seat and put my head in Kirstie's shoulder. Why can't all the cute boys be single? I mean they probably wouldn't be considered cute if they were single.
"I don't know Mitch, I think the same thing to myself everyday. Mostly asking why all the cute boys are gay."
"I want them to be gay! More for me! Anyway don't you have a boyfriend?"
"That I do but I am still allowed to think guys are cute right?"
"Wrong! That goes against code!" As we were bickering their was a small knock at the door. Eager to meet our new neighbor I race to the door. Maybe this person will become a trio with Kirstie and I. I reach the knob and slowly pull the door open. My heart dropping when I see who stands before me.
Shit.