All the Reasons To Hide

Why?

It's been over a week now and I know for a fact that his mother isn't gonna come back for him. That's awful, to take such a vulnerable little boy from the only life he has ever known, all because he may be gay later in his life. I guess some people just aren't as progressive as the world is trying to become. I mean he and I are both way to dirty to stay out here another night. Plus it gets pretty cold out here at night considering we haven't left the bridge for more than an hour at a time. I think it's time we take a trip to the police station. I want to adopt this child more than anything in the entire world, only if that's what he wants though. Yes I know, I am putting what he wants in front of what I want. Yep, I put my faith in a two year old, but if he doesn't want me to be in his life I understand. If he can't trust me I'll understand, but if he doesn't want to be apart of my family will make sure he finds people that truly love him. I only want what's best for this child.
"Hey buddy?"
"Ywes?"
"I uh, I don't think we are going to see your mommy again, I'm so sorry." He doesn't even look the slightest bit sad. This woman must have been terrible to this poor little boy.
"How would you like it if I became your daddy? You won't have to worry about anyone treating you bad ever again. If that isn't what you want then we can find you a nice family to live with. Just tell me what you want bubba."
"I want you t-t-to be my daddy." When he said that my heart absolutely shattered, I ran to him and brought him into my arms picking him up and swinging him around. My soon to be little boy, my very dirty little boy.
We get into my car, I had to stop at a store to get him a car seat that would support his tiny little body. I mean safety first right? After we got all that set up we set off to the station where I could report his mother and hopefully get some paperwork to finally make him mine.
When we arrive at the station and go through the motions. The questioning, people asking Rogan questions, and Rogan being scared and crawling into my arms. Until finally, we were left alone while they figured out what to do. I look at the little boy in my lap, he's so cute. I brush the hair out of his face as I watch him color, he seems content. But then I realize they could refuse my offer to adopt him. He could very well be put into the foster care system and then I would never see him again. Panic starts to lace through my body and I think Rogan is starting to notice my unsettlement as he starts to look nervous. Not what I wanted to achieve.
"Rogan?" I say as I rub his arms in a soothing way. He looks up at me, fear laced all throughout his features. Man I really upset him. I feel so bad.
"I just want you to know that, no matter what happens I love you. And I know that I may not be your old family, but I will never hurt you like your mommy did. You are safe with me, you know that right?"
"Ywes." He turns himself around and cuddles himself into my, giving me a huge hug. It's around noon and and he normally naps at this time so he must be pretty tired. God I love this kid.
"You always were buddy." He looks up at me giving me his signature confused face. Not quite sure what I'm talking about.
"We were always meant to be together. I was meant to be your daddy." He continues to cuddle into me as I hold onto him for dear life. God Is he perfect.
No shorter than an hour later, Rogan and I have sat in silence and the people have come back in. They sit at the table with us and say that they have agreed to let me adopt him. I get to take Rogan home! All we have to do is get the papers finalized and we can be good to go. I lift Rogan off my lap and set him on the chair with his coloring stuff.
"Baby were gonna wait for the papers and then you and I get to go home okay?" I instantly saw fear in his eyes and not a second later he started to panic, screaming and crying throwing himself in the floor in a full blown fit.
"No!!! Pwease! They be mean. My Dada pwease! I be good! I be good!" I grab him and pick him up, bringing him into my arms and holding him close to me as he flails himself. Still crying his eyes out. He thinks I'm sending him back to his old home. I would never do that, EVER. I continue to hold him until he calmed down. He keeps crying but his panicking has stopped, good. Baby steps. I cuddle him in my arms while we wait for finalization.
"Shhh baby it's okay, I love you. I am not taking you back to your home okay? You will never go back their. I will never ever put you in danger like that. You are MY son. It's okay, it's all okay." He nods into my shirt while laying his head in my shoulder, sucking on his pointer finger.
The papers finally make their way back and Rogan is officially mine. Not mine and Scott's, I didn't put his name down cause I don't know what is going to come of us. Rogan is just mine.
I put him back into the car, and he falls asleep in his car seat. He's pretty tired from the episode he had earlier, I would be too. He made me happy all over again, but the minute we got to the apartment and I walked in the door. My whole life shifted yet again.
I picked up a very groggy looking Rogan and carry him through the doors of his new home, when I hear a thud come from my room. After the thud came a moan, then a scream. I set my son down on the couch and tell him to stay quiet and not move. I open the door to mine and Scott's room and find him and Alex fucking each other senseless on our bed. Wow, I went to kill myself and that's when he saw his out. I stand in front of the door, hand covering my mouth, one tear slipping from my eye. But that's all I will allow. I cannot keep crying over him. That's it, I'm out. I have to be. I'm going back to my old apartment with Kirstie. I can't be here anymore.
I slam the door that was once my room. I bolt to the couch, grabbing Rogan who is crying cause the loud noise scared him. I swiftly put him into the car still crying hysterically, just as a half naked Scott walks outside.
"Yep Scott, IM STILL ALIVE! No thanks to you by the way. You didn't even come after me!! You know who found me?! Rogan! Because he was abandoned too, now I understand why you didn't run after me. You were waiting, hoping for this. Just so you could go and fuck Alex as soon as you knew that I was gone! You know I had so for us then you fucked it all up! I guess what they say is true. Fool my once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me twice Scott. Shame on me." I shake my head and open the car door.
"Mitch wait I love-"
"Don't you dare say you love me after what you did. We're over." And with that, I closed the door and drove to Kirstie's with a scared and crying baby in the backseat.
Why does this keep happening?