All the Reasons To Hide

Finally

"Scott there is no way in hell I can do this!" I say as we stand in front of what used to be my old house. He got me this far, no fucking way in going any further. I'm not ready I won't ever be ready, I can already feel the panic riding in my throat.
"Mitch you need to calm down, everything will be fine." He takes my hand and I reluctantly walk up to the door. Scott rings the bell and I hear footsteps approaching. Getting louder and louder.
"Scott!! What a pleasant surprise! I thought you'd be off with your boyfriend by now?" Ah my dad, I can already tell he doesn't like me. Then again nobody is more perfect for Scott then the Mitch he once knew.
"Actually I brought him here to meet you. You guys have always been my second family so I figured why don't I introduce you to someone who is so important to me." I step out from behind Scott and almost hit the floor bawling. Dad, up close and personal after all these years.
"Well of course! Come on in! Nel, we have visitors!" Oh my god my mom. Where is she? I need to see her. My dad walks us into the kitchen. She's always their, nothing has changed. She was always cooking. Making me food. They considered me the perfect child. I wonder what they would think of my now?
"Oh! Scotty hello! I've missed you around here! And who is this? Another mouth to feed? One of your friends from New York?"
"No Nel, this boy here's our Scott's new boyfriend." He definitely doesn't sound like all to thrilled to have me in his home. I mean he kinda liked me before I was dating Scott. But he's never been fond of piercings and tattoos. If only he knew.
My mom pulls away from Dad and and takes a step back. Looking from him to me. She studies me tattoos, my piercings, my hair. She seriously doesn't look all to pleased.
"I am very sorry of you both don't like me. I'll just show myself out." I go to leave and Scott pulls me back, knowing their is business to be done. He gives Mom an odd look and she snaps back into her old self.
"No dear please stay! Let's fix something up for the both of you! What would you like?"
"You wouldn't happen to have any peanut butter Oreos would you?" My mom gasps and takes a huge step back. Oh, right my old favorite food. Before my Mom can burst into tears, Dad directs use all onto the couch. Just sitting here made me feel so protected and at home, even though I wasn't. It's awhile before my dad speaks again.
"Scott I understand you're dating a popstar now, but why did you really bring him here?"
"For more reasons than the one I gave you."
"I get it boy, Mitch was just some high school crush and now you've moved on. But why him? Are you sure he isn't just using you for when his career goes flat? Are you just his stable income? Are you using him?" We remain silent for a long fucking time. Before the oven timer goes off and everyone heads to the kitchen. I've had enough awkward silence for one night. I'm going to find somewhere else to go. I get up from the bar stool I was sitting at and I walk up the stairs to find me old room. They left it just the way I had it before, razors in a pile on the floor. I slowly bend down and clean them up. Nobody needs to have that constant pain walking into their 'dead' child's room. Even if they don't know I'm alive and they don't like me now, I don't want to constantly be the pain they have. Even the letters I wrote are still here.
The letters?! Holy shit! That was so many years ago when I was a stupid broken little kid. I'm eighteen now though. My hands are shaking as I reach for the envelope to the letter I wrote to my parents. Ripped open with tear stains blotching the ink. I begin to read the letter when my Dad sneaks in.
"You know it's not polite to snoop around other people's houses when you're the guest?" He strides over to me and yanks the letter out of my hands. Something catches my eye. Pictures of me from shows. My greatest memories. I get up and walk over to my pictures.
"Is that him?"
"Is that who?"
"Your son sir."
"He was my son, you know I never knew that he was depressed until this happened and now I can't go back and change any of it."
"Would you do it differently? Like if you could?"
"Of course I would! Not a doubt in my mind. I'd at least tell him that I loved him before he did this. I would do anything to have my son here with me today. But because I was blind to his own unhappiness I don't get to have that anymore. We never got the closure we needed either. Kid was smart, he probably didn't want to be found." And with that Im gone. It's not your fault dad. It never was. I continue to stare at the pictures of me, I can't think of saying more than two words.
"You know I remember this photo. It was right after the spring play my sophomore year of high school. I was Snoopy in Charlie Brown and you and Mom insisted we take a family photo. It was a time I was always supposed to remember. You guys were right. You're right dad I do remember." He's staring at me in shock. Like he doesn't know what to say. Neither do I, tears are streaming down my cheeks because I never thought this would be possible. I lost the relationship with my dad when I died. He's thought I was dead all these years.
"You know hitchhiking and living on the street has its perks. You learn to never take anything for granted. I bleached my hair and got tattoos and piercings so no one would know it's me. I guess it worked." He starts crying before my eyes, my father I actually crying right now and so am I.
"Why would you do this to me and my family? Stop pretending to be my son."
"Something horrible happened that made me run away, I was abused in an alley. I couldn't do it anymore dad. I needed someone and no one was ever there for me. I never actually wanted to leave." Shit, now I'm really bawling. Dad finally looks up at me and into my eyes. It's like he's seeing me for the first time.
"Mitchie?"
"It's me Dad. I promise."
"Oh my god my baby boy! Nel! Come here!" My mother rushes into the room and sees us both a snotty sobbing mess.
"It's Mitch."
"I know."
"No, Nel. It's our Mitch." Her phone cascades down to the floor from her hand. She looks over to Scott who just nods his head.
"Prove it." I step over to my old piano and begin to sing one of my favorite songs all the time. A Team by Ed Sheeran. This was always special to us. By the end my mothers in tears and I'm in her arms.
"My baby! Oh my god look at how grown up you are!"
"I thought you would all hate me."
"Baby we all wanted a do over and nows our chance. We will never let you walk away from us again."
You know, I can't tell you how amazing it feels to be loved.
Finally.