All the Reasons To Hide

My Best Friend

One year ago
Okay so starting life all over again is a lot rougher than I ever imagined it being. I won't buy an apartment yet, staying on the streets hasn't been bad since it's been so hot out. I just need to start thinking of a way to actually make money. I've been stranded on the streets of New York for a few months now. I just haven't done much. I'm constantly exercising or window shopping with my new best friend who's also homeless, her name is Kirstin and she is such a sweetheart. She doesn't know how I ended up out on the streets, I'm planning on telling her soon. She has a job and we put our money together saving up for clothes and food, putting a dollar or two into savings we need to save up for our apartment. She had tons of makeup and we get lots of girls nights in the little pocket we live in on the streets.  So I guess it's not so bad, I just feel bad. She works and I do nothing. I'm going to find something to do but for now Kirstie and I are talking over doing our nails. But she spikes up the one question I still have yet to answer.
"So Mitchie-" Im cringing at the name, such a cute name with such a horrible meaning to it.
"-how did you end up on the streets?" Crap. You know she hasn't even told me yet how she ended up here. I trust her with all of my heart but I am scared, the last time I trusted someone I got beat up in an alley.
"Kirst, you know I trust you with all of my heart. But my stories a little bit um what's the word? Out of the ordinary." I'm worried what she will think when she finds out.
"Well how about I tell you mine sweetie?" Sweeties just a nickname we like to use. She knows that I am and always have been very very gay.
"I'd like that." I sit wide eyed waiting for her to respond. I've always wondered why anyone would allow such a beautiful, smart, and kind girl to parish in the streets.
"Well uh....wow this is hard. My mom, she was a drug addict, real big on lots of illegal stuff, and well she s-s-s-she-" she was trying not to break into sobs, oh this poor girl and she's my age! This is even worse than what I went through. I crawled to her and hugged her so tight I could have taken her limbs off, she needed someone right here. Someone to listen to her, someone to be her best friend. And that someone is gonna be me whether she wants it or not.
"Sshhhhhh, it's okay honey, just start again when your ready." She sat in my embrace sobbing for a little while before she took and deep breath and told me that she was ready.
"My mom, she sold me to her drug dealer because she ran out of money. So for years he abused me and the one day he tried to rape me I ran out onto the streets hoping to get away from him. He tried to chase me but was really high on all kinds of shit and couldn't see straight. He got hit by a bus and every timeout think of him it makes me sad, I hated him but I would never wish death on anybody. His death was all my fault! If only I hadn't run away! I didn't deserve freedom." She sobbed into my shoulder, she really thought that it was all her fault. I pulled her out of my grasp and looked her deep in the eyes.
"Bad men take away freedom. They don't grant it." She totally breaks down after whispering small thanks you's to me and i am more than glad I could help. But I guess I have to tell her why I ended up on the streets.
"Well I guess you want to know how I ended up here." She nods of head and hold my hand in an encouraging way, trying to boost up my confidence, I just don't want to tell her. But she told me so I guess I just have to relive the memories.
"Okay, so I am originally from Texas. I had a boyfriend who was also my best friend his name is Scott Hoying. I was in love with him, I still am in love with him. But that isn't the point, I should hate him. We used to get beat up all the time by these bullies and well after we got beat, he'd always make sure I was okay." Tears are steadying to form in my cheeks and it's getting harder for me to continue. Fuck you Scott, if only you knew I was alive.
"He didn't come to see that one day, I found him smoking in an ally and when I tried to stop me he did horrible things to me and I just couldn't take it anymore. I faked my own death and I ran away. Tracked for weeks, got tattoos bleached my hair changed my last name. All because I don't want to be found. If they find me I won't care but I don't think I would know how to explain myself." I start to sob even more, I just can't believe I opened up to her. I even closed those feelings off to myself and saying them out loud has totally broken me.
I curl up into Kirstie's side and cry into her lap, she wraps the blankets we bought around me as strokes my hair so I don't feel like I'm totally alone during this breakdown. We just lay their for a long time until she finally speaks up.
"So, your the kid that committed suicide in Texas?"
"Yes."
"Your Mitch Grassi?"
"Yes." I feel so defeated and embarrassed, I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being. I bury my face deeper into her lap.
"Shh honey it's okay I promise. I'm not mad and I won't judge you. I get it. The bullying got to be too much. Why are you so upset?"
"I thought you'd leave me if you heard this."
"What?! No! Mitch you are my best friend. My ride or die, i would never leave you for your past. It's not like you just got bullied either, you were assaulted. It's all going to be okay I promise." After that Kirstie and I just cuddle up in our little bed on the ground. I love her so much and I don't know what o would do without her. She is literally the best friend anybody could have.