All the Reasons To Hide

Nothing Has Changed

I've been thinking about how I'm going to blow off this concert for two days now and I really have no idea. What am I supposed to say? 'Hey I can't perform today because my ex boyfriend is going to be their and he thinks I'm dead?' Yeah cause that sounds logical. Anyway I guess it's pretty unavoidable. So if I see him I'll just blow him off and not talk or look at him. He already thinks that I look familiar. It's only a matter of time before he connects the dots and then my life is ruined. But I don't know how to avoid all of this. This entire thing has me so stressed. It was all good until they decided to come here for a school trip.
Oh my god! So I'm supposed to do a meet and greet for the students before I go onstage and I can't fucking deal! No! I tried to refuse but then management got all suspicious so I needed up agreeing to it. God, all I have to do is blow him off and then everything will be fine right? One can only hope. I don't know if I can bare the thought of seeing him again. I just don't know if it's possible. There has to be a way I can avoid this situation.
I quickly get dressed and out my makeup on ready to head to the meet and greet. I'm legit shaking with anticipation and not in a good way.
After a few hours of fake smiles and hugs and pictures, the moment I have been dreading is happening right before my eyes. He walks up to me and we stare at each other intently, my eyes holding the same power as they did when I was younger, his holding the same love he once carried for people. But he also looks sad. I wonder what's wrong with him. Ugh fuck my life. I'm gonna be nice.
"What's wrong sir?"
"Nothing, I just wish I could share this moment with someone I once knew." Me? He was the one who caused me to run away, I couldn't just stand by and watch him become one of the bullies in my nightmares.
"You know I'm not supposed to do this but let's take a walk before the show. You can tell me what's going on." Damn I'm to nice. I'm just digging myself a deeper grave then I already lived in.
We walk outside along the streets and just talk about life and stuff. Stuff that happened so long ago that I never wanted to rehash.
"Well Mitch why don't you tell me about your life?"
"Because Scott their isn't much to tell."
"I'm willing to bet that isn't true, your famous you must have a story behind the fame and fortune."
"That I do, but my story isn't one that I can tell people."
"And why not?"
"God, do you understand what it's like! To live somewhere and have run across the country changing who you are so no one will find you?!"
"Wait what?"
"My life was hell!!!! I ran away, lived on the streets and fame fell into my lap when I was desperate for a home for my best friend and I! I cut my hair, I bleached my hair! Got tattoos, piercings you name it. Just so I could get away and someone came back into my life and wants to fuck it up! So maybe I do have a story but the story that I have is something that I won't share to anyone because I can't risk what I created for myself and Kirstie! The only reason that I decided to leave the meet and greet for your sorry ass is because you looked sad as I wanted to know why! I wanted to help you because that's the person that I am!" He stares at me, half in shock and half in realization. Of what? I don't care! He just stands their looking at me. I'm so fed up with his shit. All those old feelings I once had came right back and hit me in the face and ended up right in his heart. I roll my eyes at him, turn my back and to walk away. That is until he stops me.
"You know you look really familiar. Like the way you act and the way you move it's like I've seen you before."
"No you haven't." I'm breaking and I know it. I'm gonna snap and everything I have built is going to fall with me because no mater how much I deny it. He is still the most important person to me. He always has been.
"Yes you do, you know who you look like?"
"Some dead kid from Arlington Texas." Well it's the truth. He looks really hurt by my words, I guess I mean more to him than I had thought before. I still hate him, no caring nature could ever make up for the way he treated me. He suspects but he had no idea that it's me.
"Are you serious?! Show some respect! He killed him self! You know I thought coming from the life you've apparently had you would learn not to be such a jack ass! He was so fucking important to me! He still is, he would be such a big fan of your work and your being such a prick! He was the love of my life, so important to me!"
"Obviously he wasn't important enough to not be a victim of assault by his best friend."
Time stopped then and he turned back to look at me.
"Wait how did you-"
"Because I am that dead kid Scott!" He looks so lost, like he lost his puppy and he just found it again. He doesn't understand and I'm in no position to make him understand.
"You know what, never mind, forget I ever said that. I'll see you some other time sir. Enjoy the show." And that is how I left him, like we went back to not knowing each other at all, even though we just found each other again. I ran away, like nothing ever happened. That life will go back to normal, and nothing would ever change. Even though so much already has.