Over and Over (On Hold)

Chapter 2

My eyes were wide as I starred at the four boys at my door. Michael was here with his band mates Luke and Calum and someone who I hadn't been wanting to see for a long time. Ashton. I snapped out of my daze and let them all inside. Mikey pulled me in for a big hug and pecked my lips. I looked over at Ashton to see his expression, it was a mixture of anger and hurt. My heartache forcing me to look away.

"Hey Harley!" The other boys chirped at me but Ash stayed silent. It was weird to see him after almost three months. After the breakup I started to ignore his pleading messages for me to get back together with him, it hurt me to do it but I had to protect myself.

"Hey guys, so you're the secret guests." Ashton chuckled and I gave him a confused look. His eyes caught mine and he cleared his throat.

"Um, that's just sounds like something your mom would do." He quietly explained, making me laugh a little bit too. It did sound like something my mom would do and he knows it.

Michael looked at us with jealous eyes and I quickly wrapped my arm around his waist. He looked down at me with a small smile and kissed my forehead. I laid my head on his shoulder and turned us in the direction of the table. The rest of the boys followed behind.

I could feel the tension in the room but decided to ignore it and just let the evening unfold. That wouldnt hurt anybody, right? My heart raced for an odd reason that I couldnt place but I knew it wasnt because of Michael, he didnt make my heart pound like that. My heart used to pound for Ashton when he was close to me but I was over him now so that couldnt be the case. I sat down in my usual seat at the table and Ashton almost sat down next to me like he used to but stopped himself. We weren't together anymore, this was now Mikey's spot. He quickly corrected his mistake and walked around the table to sit infront of me.

I looked at the ground and played with my fingers under the table. I could feel two sets of eyes on me but I ignored them. I couldn't face either of them right now, I felt wrong. I felt like a problem. Luke and Calum noticed the tension between the three of us and quickly started talking about their next gig. I started to get excited because I actually really liked there music. They had some real God given talent.

I joined the conversation but Michael and Ashton stayed silent just watching us all interact. I smiled gratefully at Luke and Cal and they returned it with slight nods. Mom walked into the room and asked me to help her bring out the food. I eagerly accepted the job and walked out of the room. My mind was swirling with thoughts that I could barely grasp before they would disappear. My mother face looked apologetic and I knew exactly why it did.

"Mom it's fine I swear, I just haven't seen him in so long. I haven't wanted to see him in so long..." My voice trailed off as I couldn't really think of anything to say. I just wanted to make everyone leave so I could think. It had been three damn months since I had seen him. The only times I had were every once in a while at school about two months ago, but I would walk in the other direction as quickly as possible so that we wouldn't have to interact. I was positive he had noticed due to the fact he followed me the first few times but soon gave up. School had been over for two months now and I didn't have these problems anymore. He would occasionally send me the odd text which would say a simple "hi" or "hey".

"I'm just sorry that I'm making you go through this again." She had experienced me first hand after the breakup and knew how much it hurt to do it. Ash and I had had something special, something I didn't feel I could experience for awhile. Not even with Mikey, like I said, I like him a lot but he's not Ashton. Ashton had to go and ruin our relationship. I know I should be over what he did but I'm not quite yet. I am trying though.

I didn't know what to say to her so I just grabbed a few of the plates of pasta mom had made before the boys got here and brought them in. I saw my dad was now sitting at the table ignoring Ashton completely. I knew he wasn't pleased he was here, he and Ashton had gotten on great before Ashton broke my heart. Ashton looked uncomfortable but tried to look confident, it was kind of adorable. Ugh no! He's not adorable!

Mikey was talking to my father about the park date we had earlier. It would be an understatement to say my dad was overprotective and he was interrogating him to know exactly what happened. I laughed under my breath when I sat down and I immediately felt Mikey set his hand on my knee. I reached over and intertwined our fingers before looking over at him and giving him a small smile which he returned. I could feel Ashton watching us and I couldn't help but feel guilty. I didn't want to but it was unstoppable. I excused myself from the table and went to the bathroom locking the door and looking at myself in the mirror.

'This is wrong. This is so wrong.' Was being said over and over in my head. 'You're with Mikey now and you really like him.' My mind was going in circles about how I felt. I didn't know how to react to the fact that Ashton and Michael were in the same room with her around, and I didn't like not knowing. I turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on my face avoiding my eyes.

I looked up again and took a few deep breaths. My eyes looked lost and confused. I needed to calm down right now. I heard a knock on the door and quickly opened it up. Surprisingly it was Calum. He was the one I was closest to in the band apart from Mikey. He was like a brother to me and must have realized I was upset. I looked up at him and he pulled me in for a hug.

"I knew this would happen. I told them this was a bad idea." He whispered into my hair. I simply snuggled into his chest a little more. "I told them you would be confused. I told them."

"It's not your fault." I squeezed my eyes shut and just focused on his breathing. He was the only one who could make me focus and calm down in times like this, apart from Ashton. Just his name made my mind get jumbled again.

"Let's get back, they must be worried." My voice wavered. Calum gave me one last tight squeeze before we walked back to the table to see that Ashton and Michael were starring daggers at each other, until Ashton saw me and looked guiltily at his lap.

"What's going on?" My voice shook as I spoke trying to sound confident. Michael spoke up.

"Nothing, babe, just eating dinner. The boys and I were planning on leaving soon.... Unless you wanted us to stay?" I knew he was meaning only him by the way he said it but I needed to clear my head.

"No you guys can just go. I have work in the morning anyway so I should get to bed early." He nodded his head looking hurt, but he didn't understand. I needed to think about everything.

And I mean everything.