Over and Over (On Hold)

Chapter 12

As soon as Ashton pulled the van into the driveway I got out of the car. I was tired of wearing this damn dress and these stupid (but cute) shoes. I waited by the door for Ashton so he could let me inside. I started to wipe the smeared makeup off my face so I didn't look like a circus clown but I could tell I was just making it worse. I looked expectingly at Ashton waiting for him to unlock the door that was literally separating me from my comfort.

The house looked exactly how we left it. Anne and Liz were already sleeping so we went completely silent so we wouldn't disturb them. I walked down the hall into the bathroom to grab some face wash. When I looked in the mirror I saw what I was expecting to see: the tear streaked face of a girl with raccoon eyes. I reluctantly looked at my neck to see the damage that Michael had caused and sighed. I had hickies all over the right side of my neck spanning from the bottom of my earlobe to the space where my neck met my shoulder. I slowly rubbed my index finger over one of the marks and winced. I reached into the medicine cabinet behind the mirror in search of neosporin. When I found the small tube I put a bit of the cream on the marks causing them to slightly stop stinging at my touch. When I finished applying the medicine I found a few large bandages to cover them up. I left the bathroom after that mess and went to change into some more comfortable clothes.

The walk down the small hallway made me a bit nervous to be honest. I felt that if I turned around drunk Michael would be there to try and force himself on me once again. My heart rate began to pick up speed making me feel as if I was going to have a heart attack at that moment. I quickly tried to get away from the small space by running into Ashton and Luke's room. I shut the door and went to Ashton's side. I didn't know exactly where he was at the moment but I felt better in here at the moment then I would have in my own room. While I waited for Ashton to come back I walked around his half of the room. Just like I thought would happen he had already put up his Coldplay poster, he had once told me he was obsessed with only two things "Coldplay and you," were his exact words. Just thinking back to that put a smile on my face. I heard a noise from behind me and quickly turned around to see who was there. Ashton stood in the doorway. His hair was disheveled and looked like he had been running his fingers through it and he had tired eyes.

"Are you okay?" I could tell he wanted a real answer instead of one of my 'Oh I'm just great' responses. I looked at the floor and shook my head. I felt like absolute shit and didn't want to be alone. I closed my eyes and sit down on Ashton's bed just looking at my fingers. I blinked back the tears I could feel threatening to escape my eyes. After a few moments I felt his arms wrap around my body. I turned and nuzzled my face into his neck letting the tears slip from my eyes. His lips pressed into my hair and sighed. I wrapped my arms around his torso and tried to press my body as close to his possible to him.

"I should've tried harder to get you back. You wouldn't be crying right now if you were with me. We'd just be lying here like we used to do back home. We'd be talking about nothing and everything. You'd be happy." I could hear him start to choke up.

I look up at him and hold his face in my hands. He's looking away from you as if he is to blame for the way Michael acted tonight. "Look at me, Ash." His eyes slowly turned to you looking ashamed of himself. "None of this is your fault, none of this was ever your fault. Please don't blame yourself for someone else's dumb mistakes." He closes his eyes and sighs. I placed my forehead on his waiting for him to look at me again. I felt him nod against my forehead. When he finally looks back at me he pulls me closer to him. For a brief second in overwhelmed with this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach which goes away when his lips don't meet mine. Instead my face was in the crook of his neck and his lips are on my hair again. I slowly tugged Ashton into a lay down position so we can become more comfortable. His arms are wrapped tightly around my waist while my hands grasp at the front of his t-shirt trying to stay close to him. I felt that if I let go of him he would leave me. We laid silent for a bit before Ashton broke the silence.

"I miss this. Us laying together and not having to say anything because we already know what the other person is thinking about." I sighed because I knew he was right. I snuggled closer to him. My eyes had started to droop due to how tired and comfortable I was.

"Baby shhhhhh." I don't know why I said that but I did and it was too late to cover it up. I waited for Ashton to freak out but he didn't. He just chuckled.

"I've missed you calling me baby," I tiredly giggled. It was funny that he missed that in my opinion because I'd honestly called him baby like twice in our entire relationship. "But I've missed calling you baby more."

This caused me to look up at him to see that he was looking at me. "Ash.... We can't, no matter how much both of us want to we can't." He sighed and looked away from me. I leaned up to gently kiss his neck which made him gulp. His fingers grabbed at the ends of my hair ever so slightly.

"Please don't Harley, I can't take it." His voice was strained. I pushed myself away from him to give him his space, but before I could get too far away from him he pulled me back to my original position. "That doesn't mean leave me. You're warm." I giggled and nuzzled my face into his neck.

I stayed silent for a little while and I think Ashton thought that I had fallen asleep because he started to do something that he hadn't done in months. He sang to me.

And hey darling,

I hope you're good tonight.

And I know you don't feel right when I'm leaving.

Yeah, I want it but no, I don't need it.

Tell me something sweet to get me by,

'Cause I can't come back home til they're singing

La, la la la, la la la,

Til everyone is singing

If you can wait til I get home,

Then I swear to you we can make this last.

La la la

If you can wait til I get home,

Then I swear come tomorrow, this will all be in our past

 Well it might be for the best.

But what he whispered next is what really surprised me. "I love you." I looked up at him to see his eyes flutter shut. He began to breathe deeply. When I was positive he had fallen asleep I let myself say what I had been waiting to say for months outloud instead of just chanting it in my head. I leaned down and kissed his chest.

"I love you too."

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I'm so sorry this is short and probably boring for you guys but I felt like (and have been told) I don't update enough and so I just kind of needed to post this. The ending is so cliche though that it makes me want to puke glitter.  

~B