Over and Over (On Hold)

Chapter 3

After the boys left I went straight to my room ignoring my parents sad eyes. I didn't want to seem rude but I needed to think and hopefully sleep. I changed out of my clothes into some joggers an a tank top. I sat on my bed and scrolled through my tumblr feed for a second and looked up the 5 Seconds of Summer tag. It was Mikey's band's so I wanted to see if there was anything new on it. They weren't a quite popular band but people knew who they were from their YouTube channel and they had quite the social following so far.

I scrolled through the pictures and text posts until I found something that caught my eye. It was an edit of Ashton and I from a few months back when we were still together. We were starring at each other looking so happy and in love. I remember those days. Sometimes I wish I could go back to them and just forget what he did. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't erase the past, it was impossible and just a stupid fantasy. He looked so lovingly at me and I at him. Why did he have to go and ruin it all!?

My head spun never truly grasping what my mind was trying to tell meI took a deep breath and thought of Michael. Why did I have to bring him into this? I really like him. But I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way.

I closed my eyes and pictured the boy with purple hair and blue eyes who was trying to fix my broken heart and it was working until Ashton came to my house and ruined it. I imagined myself running my fingers through his tousled dirty blonde hair again but quickly pushed the thought away. I couldn't do this to myself or Michael. I wouldn't be that girl. I couldn't be that girl. His Hazel eyes were burned into my thoughts and every time my eyes closed I saw them. The loving look was back and it made my stomach do summer salts.

'Get a hold of yourself! He hurt you! He chewed you up and spit you out!' My mind kept shouting that but my heart wouldn't believe it. My stupid heart knew he wouldn't do that. He wasn't that cruel. He was Ashton. He was my Ashton.

I forced myself to look through the other 5sos tags but I would always find some stupid picture of Ashton and I, we always looked so happy. They were all tagged with Haston, our 'ship' as they called it. I finally gave in and looked it up. There were so many pictures and posts, it overwhelmed me. Why did they all like us? Weren't they supposed to hate me? Why couldn't they just hate us together? They all seemed to not like Michael and I though. With a passion. They thought he 'stole' me from Ash, if only they knew.

I felt my phone buzz beside me and answered without looking at the caller id. I just didn't care.

"This is a first." I immediately recognized the voice and was about to hang up but he stopped me. "Please just listen to me, Harley." His voice was pleading and I knew he needed to say something.

"You have 2 minutes." I try to make my voice sound stern and emotionless, but my voice cracked half way through my sentence and it just went downhill. I took a breath. "Speak."

"Baby-"

"Don't you baby me." My voice sounded pissed and I liked it.

"Fine. Harley, do you know how hard I've been trying to get over you? It's been 3 damn months but I can't seem to get you out of my head. The way you laugh, how you smile at me when I so something stupid, how you sing along to every song you know on the radio, how you-" I cut him off again.

"I get it, memories, get on with it please." I was tired of this because it made me remember how happy I was. And he knew it.

"Okay... What I'm trying to say is, if you're in as much pain as I am just come back! Let me back in please, baby! I miss you so damn much that it hurts me just to think about you but I just don't wanna stop thinking about you! I know I messed up but I won't do that aga-"

"No you won't do that again! I won't let you back in so you can't do that kind of crap again!" My voice filled with pain and I could tell he was frowning even though I couldn't see him.

"Harley, it was a mistake! I was stupid and I hurt you but listen-"

"No you listen! I will not fall into your trap again! I will not let you waltz back into my life just so you can...." A sob ripped out of my throat and I couldn't finish my sentence because tears were freely falling from my eyes just remembering what happened.

"I'm coming over." He always used to do this when I was upset. He'd drop everything and come over to just make me feel better.

"I won't let you in through the window. Or the front door, or anywhere else for that matter!" My throat was tight. I wanted more than anything for him to come over and hold me like he used to, but I couldn't let that happen.

"I know where the keys are." Shit. I forgot about that. I forget my keys a lot so there were a few hidden keys around the house and he knew where each one was.

"I don't need y-" I started but he didn't let me finish.

"I'm coming over, Harley, and that is that."