Over and Over (On Hold)

Chapter 4

I stayed in my room, just lying on my bed until I heard him arrive I ran into my bathroom and locked the door. I sat on the tile floor, curled into a tight ball, and tried to hold in my sobs. I used to do this before when he would come over but the door would be unlocked so he could easily get inside. It was different though this time, we weren't together anymore. I heard him rushing up the stairs and opening my door.

"Harley." His voice was only a whisper and it pleaded for me to say something or do something to tell him where I was. My phone was in my hand and I quickly sent him a text.

'I'm not telling you where I am.'

I heard his phone buzz. He chuckled under his breath and walked around the room. I could hear his footsteps coming toward the bathroom. The knob shook as if he was trying to open it, which he was. I heard a sigh. He knocked his knuckles against the door.

"Harley, open up." He voice was barely a whisper, full of hurt and regret. Did he regret coming over? Did he regret calling me?

"No." My voice continued to waver but I ignored it. "It's not right, I'm with Mikey now."

He sighed again.

"So we can't be friends?" His voice was strained and it brought tears to my eyes. Why couldn't we be friends? Because we dated? Lots of couples who have broke up are still friends. Ashton and I were friends before we dated. Best friends.

"No." I got up from my place on the floor, walking to the door to unlock it. My hand hovered above the doorknob for a seconds before my thumb and forefinger twisted the lock. I went back to my spot on the ground and curled into a ball again. Ashton have me a couple seconds before he slowly opened the door and walked in. I looked up to catch a glimpse of him for a second before looking down at my lap again. His hair was disheveled, like he had been running his long fingers through it roughly. His eyes looked concerned and he repeatedly tapped his fingers against his thigh. It was one of his nervous habits, he did it when he asked me out and throughout our first date. I knew why he was nervous then but not why he was nervous now.

Before I could even say anything I felt his muscular arms wrap around my small frame. It felt like I was finally home, we fit each other perfectly. I knew I shouldn't say that since I'm with Michael but it was the truth. I removed myself from his embrace and looked at him for a second before speaking up.

"Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to ruin everything? I know I'm with Mikey now but can you just tell me why?" My words were mumbled and I felt my lip begin to tremble but I held back my sob. I needed to know why he did it.

"Can we not talk about that right now? I'm supposed to make you feel better." He pulled me to his chest again and his face was pressed into the crook of my neck. His hot breath ran down my back and it felt like old times. But these weren't old times and I needed to know why it happened.

"I need to know, Ash. I've needed to know for 3 months. What you did hurt me so much, Ash, you smashed my heart into a million tiny pieces. I'm only now just fixing myself with Michael's help." When I said Mikey's name something inside of him seemed to snap his grip on me tightened and his breathing quickened. He pulled me into his lap and snuggled closer to me.

"You were mine first. You'll always be mine no matter who you're with." His words came out harshly but still put a small smile on my face. I related to his feelings because I felt that a little for him. Only a little though, I was with Mikey after all. His fingers ran through my hair and his other hand rubbed my side up and down. I shouldn't be doing this.

"Can you just tell me so that I can understand a little better?" My cheek was pressed against his chest over his heart and I could feel it beating. Every time I brought up the 'incident' his heart rate sped up, he really didn't want to talk about any of this right now. I didn't want to pry but I needed to know.

"Fine, on one condition though."

"Tell me." I was curious to know what was going on in his mind and I needed to know the reasons behind his mistake.

"Stop ignoring me. I can't not be your friend, I mean that's what we were before we were together. We swore no matter what happened we'd still be friends in the end." I looked up at him and my brown eyes met his hazel ones. They looked like they did in the pictures on tumblr and I had to look away. I needed to control my emotions toward him. I just wanted to throw myself on my bed and scream into my pillow.

"Fine, I'll stop ignoring you if you just explain it to me. I just need to understand why it all happened. Did I do something wrong?" My voice started confidently but when I got to my question I felt it fade and my heart fall. I had always wanted to know if I caused it. If I was the reason he would act in such a way.

"No! Never! Alcohol caused my fucked up choice that night." His voice was full of regret and guilt. I wanted to squeeze him a bit but couldn't bring my body to do so. I just placed my face into his neck and breathed, this used to calm him down just as it did for me.

"Well spill." I looked at him again. "Why did you cheat on me?"