Stressed, Depressed, O2L Obsessed

Chapter 11 - Depression and Shut-out

11

A/N: Whoever guesses the first fact in my facts at the end of the chapter, gets a shout out on here and Instagra so leave your Insta user when you guess!

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I walked into the kitchen ignoring everyones stares. Including Kian, who I glared at momentarily as I walked by him. I grabbed a bowl from a cabinet and a box of Special K and proceeded to the fridge to get the milk and made my cereal. I sat down at the table next to Jc and Ricky, across from Trevor.

As I ate, they all continued to stare at me so I decided to speak up.

"Why are you staring at me? Do I have something on my face? I mean I always look ugly so I believe you've gotten used to my terrifying morning face by now. What's wrong with me?" I said while eating my cereal. Very lady-like, I know.

"No, nothings wrong it's just," Jc started, "You look.. Okay." He said pointing his eyes in Kian's direction. "I don't think we were expecting it." He added. I am guessing because Kian looks horrible; bags under his eyes, puffy eyes, slouched, un happy basically.

I started to get up, "Yeah, well, I had someone to help. And not everyone needs to go through pain they sure as hell don't deserve." I got up fully, my angry-stare focused on Kian. He muttered a 'She's right' as I passed him and I stopped in my tracks. I put my cereal on the counter and walked towards him.

"What did you just say?" I asked him in an angry yet confused tone. He got up and looked me in the eye.

"I said you're right. Happy? You don't deserve the pain and I do because it's my fucking fault as always. I'm sitting here in agony. Fucking agony. But you're prancing around with your little boyfriend Connor. I didn't want it to end this way, you and me. I love you." He said angrily through gritted teeth.

"Bull freaking shit! If you loved me and didn't want it to 'end this way' you would not have cheated on me! I don't want to see you in agony but it's not like I have a choice." I said also angry.

"Well you better get used to seeing me this way." That was all I heard from him before he shut me out for the next 3 weeks.

3 weeks later

"Kian won't talk to me, Connor. This is the 3rd week." I complained to my boyfriend. I wanted to start over with Kian, to try to be his friend but he has shut me out and he is so depressed.

"I haven't seen him smile in weeks. He is so skinny and pale and.. He's been cutting. He's depressed Connor. The part that hurts the most, is that it's my fault. I'm a bitch." I started to tear. Kian was sick, he was so skinny and rarely left his room.

"Erica! Don't you say that again! You are not a bitch and this is not your fault. If I hear you say those words one more time I swear to God.." He stopped pacing the room and took my hands. I really wanted to cut right now and wish he would let me leave.

"You're making the face." He stated staring at me. I looked at him, puzzled.

"When you want to cut, you make a face. I've kinda got all your faces down." He blushed. I smiled, then frowned. He knew that I wanted to cut so he wouldn't let me go.

"Connor, I do not nor have I in a while had the urge to take a sharp object and make contact between it and my fragile skin making blood flow out." I said intelligently pointing my finger at him. He gave me his 'That was not convincing so I'm not convinced' look.

"Connor just let me go upstairs and eat." I whined, stomping my foot. I looked him in the eye and gave him a puppy dog pout. He let me go and I ran upstairs. I ran into the bathroom not realizing someone was in there. Whe I turned to see who, it was Kian. With a blade in his hand and blood flowing out of his wrist.

I gasped, putting my hand to my mouth to stifle a sob. "Oh," I choked out. "Kian," I ran to help him. He was shaking.

"I - I don't what to do. There, it's just - just so much blood." He cried. I took a towel and put it under the warm water and held it on his wrist. I grabbed the blade from his hand and threw it in the toilet.

"Take the towel, hold it for a while." I sighed and sat down on the toilet. I slapped my hand hard on the sink as I got up.

"Why? Kian is this my fault? Is it my fault you've fallen into depression?" I walked in front of him.

"No. Um. I don't know." He looked down and fumbled with his fingers.

"I need to know Kian. I need to know if it's my fault you've cut into your delicate skin. My fault you haven't smiled. My fault you haven't made a video in weeks." At this point I was basically crying.

I sat there a while waiting for an answer before I walked out crying and went downstairs, ignoring everyone asking questions as I walked by.

Jc's POV (I promised myself I wouldnt change povs but i have to ugh)

"Erica are you okay?" I asked as she walked by crying. She simply shrugged, ignoring us and kept walking. I went upstairs to see where she came from. I saw Kian in the bathroom holding a bloody rag to his wrist with watery eyes.

"Kian," My voice, just above a whisper, cracked as my eyes quickly watered. Why is he always the one hurt or hurting someone we all love?

"She - She needs to know, it's not he- her fault. It's not her fault I do th-this." He cried. I haven't seen Kian cry or talk or be social in any way for 3 weeks and I cracked a small smile before remembering the situation and frowning.

"What are you talking about, Kian?" I kneeled infront of him, putting my hand on his shoulder.

"E - Erica She asked if my de-depression is her fault. If it's her f-fault I c-cut." He sobbed. I can't stand this, I need to help him.

"Kian, you need help. I'm not saying you're weak or anything. You're just... Not feeling so great. Let me, please let me, take you to a therapist." I looked up, our watery eyes connecting.

How would you feel if you're best friend just shut you out? If you're best friend just stopped eating, talking, smiling. What do you do when you're best friend is officially depressed and cutting?

All he did was nod.

"I'm getting you food and if you don't eat it, I'll shove it in your mouth and make sure you eat it." He smiled a little nodding. I cried, he finally smiled.

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A/N: Long chapter! I really didn't want to switch POVs but it seemed perfect. Next chapter will be in Bethany's POV unless stated differently.

Let's do facts about me! 2 per chapter!

1. My name doesn't start with a B it starts with an E

2. I have had a boyfriend and we did touch hands, not hold, and brush legs. Que the awkwardness

Soooooo thanks for 3.3K

Insta: @bethanysselfie

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~B outie~