Stressed, Depressed, O2L Obsessed

Chapter 14 - Goodbye

14

I opened my laptop and logged onto Twitter. I had so many mentions. Most weren't nice.

@ConnorFranta why are you marrying @EricaMota ? She is ugly and fat and she cuts.

Wow Connor can do so much better, he's marrying @EricaMota ... Ew.

@EricaMota is a worthless piece of fat ugly trash why is @ConnorFranta marrying her?

Connor didn't reply to any, didn't defend his fiancé. He had been on Twitter, he had to see these Tweets. I slammed my laptop shut and ran to the bathroom. I let the tears pour out of my eyes as I tried to find Connor's razor. I took a blade out and glided it across my wrists and groaned. The pain felt horrible and good. I was about to do it again but I remembered I had promised Connor.

Flashback

He looked at me with glossy eyes. He grabbed my hands.

"Please promise me you will never do it again." He kissed my wrists. I nodded and let a tear slip down my cheek.

"I - I promise, Connor. I promise I w - won't cut again." I choked out. He crashed his soft lips onto mine gently, and for the first time in forever, I felt loved.

End of Flashback

Connor didn't care anymore. Connor wouldn't even stand up for me. He doesn't love me. It's a joke. He's pretending.

A wave of anger washed over me as I got up and walked out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I still had my bloody blade in my hand and blood on my wrists.

"Connor! Get over here!" I screamed. He ran to me, worry in his eyes. He looked down at my wrists and hand and looked at me with more worry in his eyes.

"Er-" He started. I cut him off angrily.

"It's off!" I yelled, taking off my ring and throwing it at him. He caught it. "The wedding is off! You clearly don't care about me! You have been on Twitter and I'm guessing you don't care!" I looked at him again and he was confused and worried.

"I'm what they say I am." I broke. The anger slowly washed away as I sunk to my knees and cried. I looked up to see Connor with tears streaming down his face. He sunk to his knees and started crying too.

"Erica. Erica please." He sobbed, clutching my ring to his chest.

"Stop. Stop it. You don't care. Quit acting. Have you even seen those tweets?" I took out my find and unlocked it. I opened the Twitter app and went to my notifications. I threw my phone at him and noticed he'd stopped crying.

"Fuck!" He yelled. He put the phone down, and ran downstairs to our room, slamming the door behind him. I didn't know what to do so I just stayed on the floor letting some tears flow out of my eyes.

After I collected myself, I walked downstairs and knocked gently on the door. All I got was a groan from Connor, meaning he was on his computer. I opened the slowly and walked in. I tiptoed over to him and peered over his shoulder. He was tweeting but I couldn't read it. I got out my phone and looked on Twitter.

@ConnorFranta: Please stop sending hate to @EricaMota . I love her with all my heart and when you hurt her, you hurt me. Erica isn't any of the things you say she is. In your eyes, she's all that or more. But in my eyes, she is the most perfect human being and she is my world. I chose her. She chose me. I asked her to take my hand in marriage, she said yes. I couldn't do any better than her, she completes me. She brings out the best in me. Yes, Erica doesn't have the best past with self-harm, parents, other suicidal issues but that doesn't matter. The past is in the past, hold on to today, and be excited for the future. I'm sorry that I'm not "on the market" anymore. But I love Erica so so so much, words can't describe it. I don't care what you think or anyone else thinks. But Erica's different. Please, I am begging you to stop hating on her. It hurts her. It hurts me to see her hurt. Things have happened and I can't have anything else happen. It will only make things worse. Also, it will make me mad and sad if you hate on her. Please stop, for me.

(a/n: it was a TwitLonger)

I looked up to see Connor looking at me with tears stains still visible on his cheeks. I looked at my wrists and the forgotten blade in my hand.

"I'm sorry." I said looking down, my voice rough from crying. I threw the blade across the room and brought my knees to my chest. I cried and felt Connor's warmth soon surround my body. We sat like that for a half hour until my phone beeped. It was Kian.

Erica,

I can't do this anymore. I'm moving out, unless you and Connor decide to do so. You are probably confused as to why I am saying this to you. Let me clarify. I love you. I'm not supposed to and I can't because you're engaged and Connor loves you and you love him. I just can't sit here and watch you be a couple and love each other. It kills me and it's tearing me limb-to-limb. I'm sorry.

I ran up the stairs and into Jc. He looked at me sadly and confused. I returned the look as he helped me up off the floor.

"Where is he? Where's Kian?" I asked frantically. Jc shrugged and I sighed a frustrated sigh. I ran upstairs into Kian's room that we once shared. I found him sitting in the middle of the room with boxes all around him, how have I not noticed the boxes and him packing? I shut the door gently and walked up to him and touched his shoulder. He looked up at me with puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. He looked back down at his lap where his hands were. I looked at his wrists and then around his room. I remembered the first time I came in here, when I told him about my father. Then I thought back to the time when we did it for the first time. Finally, to when I had caught him and Andrea in here. I remembered all the times inbetween.

"We've had so many memories in here." I said, looking back at him. This time when I looked, he was standing right by me. He nodded and went to put his hand on my shoulder. He looked at my eyes for permission. I was slightly confused, but nodded anyways.

"Yeah. Lots of memories." We heard a beep outside and I looked at Kian. He looked out the window. He looked back at me with sad eyes.

"That's the moving truck. I'm sorry. Bye."

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A/N: This chapter took a while but I'm actually pretty proud of this chapter. I just want you to know that you are all beautiful and unique. Never end your life intentionally. For ever bad thing that happens, a good thing happens. Just have hope. I love you and so do other people.

I may or may not post for 2-3 weeks. I will be at the beach from the 24th to the 31st/32nd.

I love you nuggets

~B outie~