Not A Mistake

Chapter 4 " Ashamed??"

Shandeeh POV

"Julie Im PREGNANT.
Im having HIS BABY" I cried.

"Holly shit.
That can't be true.
Did you have your period last month Deeh?" Julie face was still pale.
She had a hand on her head and the other on her hips.

"No I didn't I was so busy with work and trying to get this thing over that I didn't even care about my period.
Julie Im screwed.
What im going to do?" I said crying.

"I think it would be the best if you have an abortion.
You can't have that baby Deeh.
It is HIS BABY.
That baby was an mistake that shouldn't never happend." she said pacing back and forth.
Deep down I know that she was mad at Max for ruining her life and mine and didn't mean what she said.
Knowing Julie for almost 15 years i knew that she was against abortion until this precise moment.
I know that everybody is free to choose, but i can't.
I can't abort this baby.
He or she is innocent in all of this mess.
Who am i to take his/her life?
God does never send you crosses that you can't carry.
This was my cross and i was willing to carry it.
I am not a saint,but im fearful of the almighty and some type of a way i was going to go through this.
I was going to have this baby and make from myself a better person.

"No Julie I can't do that.
It is just a baby.
I can't do that to this little creature.
He or she doesn't have the fault that his/hers father is sins.
If this happens it was for a reason Julie.
I can't abort the baby.
It is my baby too after all and i know this sounds crazy,but i want to keep it." I said little frustrated at what my friend suggested, but i knew she mean no harm.
She only wanted the best for me.
I knew how this baby was create.
Was i happy?
No,but i won't forgave myself is something happens to her or him.
God give it to me,so i must fullfill my duty as a mother.

"WHAT?????
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND DEEH.
ARE YOU ON DRUGS OR SOME CREEPY SHIT???
YOU CAN'T HAVE HIS FUCKING BABY.
DID YOU FORGET THAT HE RAPED YOU?
YOU KNOW HOW AWFUL IT WOULD BE TO LOOK AT HIS BABY EVERY FUCKING DAY.
That would be the biggest mistake you do in your life" she shout at me.
I was perplexed.
Julie never yelled at me before.
When i mean never i mean never.
I think the whole complex heard her yelling at me.

'My baby isn't an mistake'.
I told myself.

"My baby isn't an mistake Juliska.
IT IS MY BABY,,MY LIFE,,MY BODY AND I WILL DO WHAT I WANT.
I have decided that i will have my baby.
I would raise and care for him/her and it will be only mine.
He or she would never know how he or she was concieved.
I will protect her/him." I said to her in a way that she would understand.
I thought she said that she will support me no matter what.

"Deeh Im sorry.
I just want you to be happy and to do the right thing,but if this is what you want I will support you Deeh.
You are my best friend and I love you.
Im so sorry.
I don't know what got into me.
Im just so damn mad with him and with myself.
This is all my fault.
I should never had let you alone with that monster.
Im sorry Deeh"she said putting her face in her hands and crying
I could her the remorse in her voice and it was sincere,but what happend was not her fault or anybody else.
It was what got had planned for me and it happend to make me stronger and blessed me with this baby.

"It's okay Julie.
It was not your fault.
It just happend and I love you 2,but I can't do that to the baby.
Please my friend be by my side and hope someday when you have your childeren you will understand were i coming from with this decision."I said in calm voice.
For the first time in 6 weeks i didn't cry.
I felt at peace and strong.
Ready for this challenge that god provided me.
I was ready to move on,so i decided that whenever i got a chance i will look for a therapist to help me,because i can't do it alone.