she lived, loved and lost

a painful start

I ran in the hall shouting at the pitch of my voice. I was 12, growing up in a happy and prosperous family. the whole house sweared on my name. i was their little sweetheart. well there was one more, the quiet one- shanu.he was 9 then. our family was so perfect. mom and dad were darlings. they might be doing the most important work in the world but will run back home as quickly as possible on our single call. i never tasted failure and loneliness back then. i was the brave daughter of my parents - the knight. every night mom tied my long beautiful black locks into two beautiful braids. at the same time dad gave an oil massage to the wonder boy of the house, my cute little brother.  I told you we were picture perfect.

everything was in place but then on that day……

it was the annual function at the school. i was playing the lead role in a play named - little dreams. i was eagerly waiting for mom and dad. my performance was about to start. they never used to be late. i was feeling really uncomfortable. when i saw namnish uncle. his shirt had big red spots, his hair all messed up and eyes swelled. namnish uncle was my dad’s childhood friend. he loved me as much as dad. he came and hugged me tightly and started crying. i was not able to understand anything. he went to my teacher and murmured something. the teacher looked shocked. she looked at me and then indulged herself in some sorts of prayer. he came back to me took my bag and then picked me. he took me from there. i kept on shouting “uncle i have a performance” “uncle i don’t want to go anywhere” i started crying badly but his expressions did not change. he was totally lost into something that i could not have understood at that time. we reached my house and i hurriedly got off the car shouting “mom”. i wanted to complain her about how uncle brought me here without my will. i was not aware of the fact that mom and dad were not there anymore to listen to any of my complaints.they met an accident on the way to my school. there were lots of people in the hall. shanu was crying badly in aunt's lap. everyone was crying. mom and dad lied there under a white cloth. i asked them to get up. namnish uncle again hugged me started crying badly. he asked aunty to take me and shanu inside. i was young but knew what death was. i knew that death takes away people so far from us that they never come back. i pleaded, i cried, i shouted and asked mom and dad to stand up as people tried to take me inside. i could not judge anything. i could not see anything else other than those two lifeless bodies lying on the floor that belonged to the people who  blew breath into my soul.

all my aspirations, my wishes, my talents, my dreams and my happiness died with them. i was a lifeless soul who didn’t understand why was god so unjust towards her. me and shanu shifted in with namnish uncle. he fought with all relatives for our custody for he knew how they were. we were those flowers of uncle’s garden that he loved the most and nourished them with all his strength and love.he brought me everything i demanded for. if father was an angel then uncle was god himself. but still this god of my life was not strong enough to bring back what once was mine; the gift that was more precious than any other - mom and dad.

......

time heals every pain if not heal it atleast it teaches us to live with that. the best thing about turning 16 was gaining maturity and learning acceptance. yeah it was not that i came over the pain of losing them but i learnt to live with it. But I was never the same preyal again, not that I became some cruel bad girl punishing everyone or I sat in a corner crying over my miseries but it was just that I stopped dreaming. But still the i always smiled and made others smile. For there was a very genuine reason for me to smile. Other than namnish uncle' love and care there was little boy for  whom I had to live. Shanu was the only reason that  I ran back home everyday. He was my reason for everything I did.

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