Capable of being Terrible Enjolras/Grantaire

Chapter 3- Apollo tries to fix it

He felt tears threatening to drip, he hated it. He had always been told by his dad that being gay was a sin, and hell, Grantaire had believed it. He now just suffered from internal homophobia. He hated it. Why couldn't he be normal??

"R?" A soft voice asked. It was Enjolras. The last person he wanted to see. "Look R-"

"Only my friends call me R," he mumbled.

"I thought... nevermind. Look Grantaire I'm sorry," no. He didn't want his apology.

"Don't. Just, leave me alone, okay? It's not your fault. I just, Eponine shouldn't have told you guys, it took me a few years to come out to my friends, and to accept myself? It took my whole life! I'm just pissed at her right now, please go away," he angrily wiped away the tears that wouldn't stop falling.

"Okay Grantaire, just, take care of yourself, okay? And if you want to, you can still come with us," He smiled at him.

"Wait, are you just going with them or do you.."

"I go every year, and after we adopted Cosette, she came with us and then realized she was bi, and I realized that the reason I was so passionate about it was because I'm hella gay." Enjolras said it so simply, and Grantaire wished he could be that at ease when telling people.

"Oh," he sat up off the floor. "I'm sorry I'm so stupid, I shouldn't get this upset," he didn't realize until Enjolras grabbed his wrist that he was tearing at his skin, an old habit.

"R? I'm sorry, I'm going to work for the rest of the day okay? Enjolras can you make sure he gets to his studio okay?" Eponine's voice called from the doorway.

"Sure Eponine," he called, but didn't look away from Grantaire.

He glanced down at his wrists, which were now bleeding, picking at old wounds. He went to reach for his arm, and tried to start picking at the other side, but Enjolras stopped him. "Come on Grantaire, I'm taking you to your studio," suddenly Grantaire just got mad.

"I can take myself okay? I'm not fragile! I can walk three blocks without dying!" He said in a raised voice, careful not to yell.

"I know, Grantaire, but I promised Eponine I would come with you. I know you can take care of yourself, I've seen you take on customers here," he laughed at the memory.

"Alright Apollo," he stood up next to the tall blond.

"Alright, come on," and they walked to his studio together, talking as old friends.

"Hey Grantaire?" Enjolras asked.

"Yeah Apollo?" He smiled at him.

"Am I allowed to call you R yet?" Enjolras smiled at him hopefully.

"Hmmm...."

"Please? I'll buy you drinks or something?"

"Okay," he nodded as Enjolras opened the door for him.

He laughed and sat in one of the bean bag chairs in the room. "What are you working on right now?"

"A cover for my friends poetry book," Grantaire smiled. "He's the one from the shop this morning,"

"The one who kissed you on the cheek?"

"Yep, that's how he greets everybody he likes,"

"Ah, at first I was really confused because he kissed you and then you said his boyfriend was here and then I was really confused," Enjolras laughed.

"Aww, were you jealous?" He said it quietly, but obviously  Enjolras heard him.

"You wish," Grantaire turned around and looked at Enjolras , who had at some point stood up.

And they were suddenly very close, and shit, Enjolras' lips were perfectly red and plump, and he wanted to kiss him so badly, but Enjolras beat him to it. Suddenly their lips were pressed together, and they were kissing.

It was nice. He felt Enjolras put his hand on his hip, and the kiss deepened. They pulled away at the same time. "Shit."

"What? Was I that bad?" Enjolras asked, half joking.

"No, it was amazing, but you don't know me," Grantaire looked down.

"Then let me, R," Enjolras' voice was so gentle he almost believed him.

"You don't want to, you deserve so much better, you deserve Heaven, I deserve hell, Apollo! You don't deserve a poor, pathetic, mentally ill, mess!" he let all the doubts and fears pour out. "You should have somebody who hasn't just slept around, and attempted suicide. You deserve perfection." He felt Enjolras pull him closer.

"Grantaire, listen to me. You are perfect to me, okay? And it's not that I don't care that you haven't had issues, I do. I care about you. I want to help you, and so what if you're mentally ill, I want to help you! I want you to see yourself as I see you,"

"Are you sure? Some people don't like being seen with somebody like me in the summer because of all of my scars, and I have bad habits,"

Enjolras kissed him gently, then took of his jacket. "Do you want to be seen with me?" Enjolras asked, showing his arms, which were covered in deep scars, and burns.

"Yes."