Breaking ★ Ksimon

Fine

Words: (1283)

Hours turned into days

Days turned into weeks

Weeks turned into months

But their was still no sign of KSI

JJ's gold turned into silver

And Simon's hope turned bitter

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Simon

It's been two months. Two fucking months. No one has been contacted by JJ, even his parents. About a month ago, he posted a photo on Instagram. He was crouched down next to an ice glacier in Molotov, Romania. I wish I could say that he looked happier, but he just looked.. lost. Not even mentioning that he deleted over 100 videos from his channel..

While I was busy losing my mind, the boys found no emotion in this new discovery. How could they not?! JJ is in fucking Romania and told no one! What if he got lost? What if he got hurt? They say I am just being clingy... To be completely honest, it pissed me off that he could post on Instagram, but couldn't send me a simple message saying "I'm not dead."

I feel like the boys know something I don't.. They swear they would never lie to me, but they all seem so nonchalant about the entire situation. Vik is the only one who actually helps me find ways to contact JJ. Josh always tells me the same thing.. "He has to come back sometime." I don't believe Josh fully, but I keep on hoping that one of these days, JJ will walk through my door and hold me for hours until it feels like he never left..

Sometimes I get really upset, almost depressed. Josh notices the most out of every sidemen.. He says it shows in my videos. I didn't believe him until I posted a pack opening and all of the comments were either "Where is KSI?" or "You aren't acting like yourself Simon.. Are you okay?" Sometimes I would even find myself breaking out into sobs for no apparent reason. When this happened, Josh would come into my room and hold me as long I needed. It helped, but it's not what I needed.

I needed Jide.

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Simon

Upload was today. All seven members worked so hard on this event, but there was one flaw.

JJ didn't show up.

I felt myself beginning to panic. My fingers wouldn't stop twitching and I kept finding my hands running through my hair. We were having a live Q&A where the fans from the crowd ask questions. I knew they were going to ask questions about JJ, and I wasn't ready for it. Our manager walked into our waiting room and informed us that we had 10 minutes until we went out on stage. I felt my heart beating out of my chest, it felt as if it was going to burst.

"You alright Simon?" I turn to see Harry by my side giving me a look of concern. Out of everyone, Harry was clueless when it came to my mental state. I can't blame him though, he has been in Guernsey with his family.

"I-I-I'm" I try to make words form, but it all comes out a mess.

Before I can embarrass myself anymore, Josh runs over and grabs me by my frail wrist. He mumbles an apology and roughly drags me into a small bathroom in the corner. He pushes me down by my shoulders so I am sitting on the dirty floor. Luckily, I am too much in a daze to comprehend the situation at hand. It isn't until this moment that I realize my breathing is out of control. I might as well be hyperventilating as I sit against the filthy wall of the toilets.

"Si, Si look at me. Look at me!" Josh yells and he grabs onto my wrists.

I look Josh in the eyes and see nothing but anger in them. I try to cower back in fear but I am flat against the wall; I have no where to run..

"Listen the fuck up! I am so sick of seeing you depressed like this!" I feel tears well up in my eyes as Josh inches closer to my face, "You have to be up on that stage in less than 10 fucking minutes and you are having a fucking fit! I'm sick of babysitting you every time you miss Jide! Well guess what? He's gone. And he won't be back for a while." By the end of Josh's rant I am a sobbing mess.

Josh sighs in annoyance and sits down next to be on the floor. I flinch away from him but he roughly grabs me by my shoulders to make me stay. I whine out in pain, knowing that he left a bruise on me. We stayed there for another 5 minutes until I could control my crying. He yanked me up to my feet and pushed me up against the sinks.

"You've got 3 minutes.. Look presentable."

As soon as I hear the door click, I let out a shaky sigh and splash a generous amount of water on my face. When I hear the door open a second time, I freeze in fear.

Vik comes in with look of sympathy and makes his way to my side. We have a moment of silence before he speaks.

"I spoke to the interviewer, Julia Hardy... She won't let anyone mention your mood or JJ. She knows it is a topic that is not up for discussion."

That was all I needed to hear. I gave Vik the most bone crushing hug I have ever given. He hugs back with just as much force, which is surprising due to this tiny frame.

"Thank you so much Vik, you're the best." I say with sincerity and relief in my voice.

"No problem Simon, I just hate seeing you upset all the time." Vik says, rubbing circles into my back.

We let go from our embrace, and made our way on stage.

Josh may be right, JJ may not come back..

If he loved me enough, he would have told me something, anything

Maybe he never did.

Maybe I am just being bitter..

But I can't imagine that right now

I have a show to finish.

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Josh

"Yes, yes he is fine. No, I haven't told him anything. Yeah, yeah alright. Bye man." I say as I hang up and throw my phone to the side.

I take a deep breath and lean back in the chair of the waiting room. I glance over to see Simon sitting with Vik in deep conversation. I inspect the bruises covering his right arm from a couple hours ago...

He'll be fine.

He is fine.

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JJ

I can feel the pain in my legs, but it isn't stopping me. I am almost to the top.. I take a couple more long steps up the steep slope and see what I have wanted to see for a while. (Picture added up top :))

I am surrounded by the peaks of others around me and a thin layer of smog. The breeze tickling my exposed face and bits of snow falling onto my, basically frozen, eyelashes. Then something happens that hasn't happened for a while.

I laughed.

Not a fake one. A genuine happy one. I felt like nothing could stop me. I was on top of the world.. literally.

The only thing that could make this better is if he was here...

God I miss him...

But he is okay, so I am okay.

If only I knew..

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Woop, the next chapter will once again be leading up to a recent event. - Oli

Also I seriously write these between 1AM and 4AM then check them in the morning lmao