Breaking ★ Ksimon

Numb

Words: (1284)

Simon

The Football Charity Match is in two weeks and everyone is feeling stressed, especially me. It is safe to say that I got the short end of the stick. Not only am I the captain of the whole team, but my second planner is Josh. Josh has been angry these past few weeks. Whenever I got upset, he would scream at me; he would even take a few swings at me if he was really upset.

One night, while I was up editing, he just came into my room and started yelling at me. I don't know what triggered him, but I just gave up. I sat there and let him take out all of his rage onto me with no questions asked. Vik notices, but I would never let him interfere; I wouldn't be able to sleep at night if I knew Vik got hurt...

Although, I have felt better lately. JJ is still MIA but there is something that tells me that he will be back soon. He posted another photo last night. He was in the middle of some tropical forest, maybe somewhere in Asia? JJ always wanted to go to Asia. I remember when he sat me down one night and showed me all of the places he would love to go see one day. He would always bounce up and down in his seat and smile like a mad man when a destination in Indonesia would pop up. I always said that he would make it there one day.

There was something about the photo made my lips curve into a genuine smile; one I haven't seen for a while. It wasn't the atmosphere or the fact that JJ was still alive.. It was him. His stance and face made the photo so genuine, so real. He looked so proud of himself, and that made me proud... I may miss JJ more than anything, but seeing him so proud makes me believe that everything is going to be okay. The caption said it all.

"Growth"

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Simon

The Sidemen were currently at The Valley planning our outfits for the match. The nicknames, numbers, color, etc.. I finish my job incredibly quick since my jersey will be exactly the same as last years, but I decide to stay and listen to the other boys' ideas for their jerseys. We are all sitting at the rounded table for hours spewing out ideas. We even decide that JME would have an upside down four on his jersey, which caused laughter to erupt throughout the room.

Then we decide to read out the jerseys requested from the members that were unable to show up. Josh reads them off his phone, since he is the one who contacted all of the team mates this year.

"Zerkaa, 4; Bateson, 87; spencer, 6"

I almost completely zone out Josh's voice but then he announces something that confuses the hell out of me.

"K dot S dot I, 12" Josh announces but keeps rambling on with the other members playing. How does Josh know that? JJ's number last year was 69, and we have only been planning the event for a month or two. I can feel my mind piling with questions until I finally blurt out-

"How did you know that?"

Josh stops talking and turns to me abruptly, along with everyone else in the room. He gives me a glare that almost makes me want to drop the question, but I don't; I need to know what the hell is going on.

"What do you mean Simon?" Josh asks, continuing to glare at me from across the table. He's playing dumb, he always does it when he wants to avoid a problem.

I am officially sick of Josh's bullshit. I stand up and lean my arms against the table. With the clearest voice I could muster, I ask one more time. I add more detail, just so he can get an idea.

"Jide's jersey, how did you know it? He's been gone this whole year, and we've been planning the match for two months. He wasn't twelve last year, he was sixty nine. His name was also not an abbreviation. So tell me Josh, how do you know that?" I ask, bits of anger and bitterness seething through my voice. I can feel all of the pain that Josh has caused me in the past month in this moment, releasing into one big explosion.

He stirs in his seat, almost as if he is uncomfortable, then gives me a look of regret. He lets off a big sigh, probably not wanting to let the other Sidemen to see him in one of his moods. He finally starts to answer by saying-

"Si, look, Jide told me not to tell you this but-"

"But what?! Have you been talking to him?! Josh, you knew how worried I was, how worried we were!" Motioning my hands around the table of the other boys. "I just don't understand why you didn't tell-" I stop when I hear the loud noise of hands being slammed against a table.

"I didn't tell you because he is trying to get better and he doesn't need negativity like you to ruin that!" That sentence definitely broke a few strings in my heart, but I still try by best to stand up to Josh and listen to what he has to say, "I've spent the past months helping you and now I can see why he left! There was a reason he told me not to tell anyone where he was, especially you." Josh continues to look me in the eyes until he stands up and stomps out the door, slamming it behind him.

I don't feel a need to cry, I don't want to scream, I'm not angry.

I feel numb.

Staring off to the plain white wall, I plop down onto my seat and think. I know the boys are probably watching my every move, but I don't care; I just need time to think. JJ doesn't want to see me, I am the reason he is gone. At the same time, I feel betrayed. He said he loved me.. Apparently not. He probably doesn't even miss me..

I probably stared at the plain white wall for a whole hour (oOPS) until I see Harry shuffling up to me in the corner of my eye, probably going to ask the same question he did at Upload. He may not be the best at comforting, but at least it shows he cares. He puts his hand on my shoulder and slouches next on me on my swivel chair. "Are you alright?" He asks, giving me a comforting squeeze on my bruised shoulder.

There is so many ways to answer that question, but I made it simple. I looked Harry in the eyes and pull up my shirt, exposing the pain I have had to deal with for the last two months. "No. Can I stay at your place?" That was when Harry pulled me into an embrace and responded with "Of course.."

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Josh

"Are you sure he is doing alright? If he isn't, I'll come home in a heartbeat."

He is a nuisance, a mistake, he ruins everything. Besides, who else would I take my anger out on?

"I'm positive."

"Alright man, tell him I miss him, bye."

Sure.

"Bye."

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JJ

I sit inside the humid box I call a home as I read out my ticket.

'Indonesia - United Kingdom - May 22'

I tighten my bandanna and kick off my muddy boots as I let a smile creep onto my face.

I'll be home soon..

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