My Wattpad Blog

Blog 44# Things I need to say

Okay I never thought I would live to give this blog

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G'day guys, its Jessi here and I am sorry I haven't been active for a while. But it is for all the right reasons. Basically...my 'undiagnosed neuromuscular' story has come to an end.

If some of you guys just stumbled across this and have no idea what I am talking about, I have lived the last few years of my life with an undiagnosed neuromuscular condition that prevents my motor nerves (nerves that control movement) from working and thus limits my walking abilities and stops me from walking long distances and has resulted to me using a wheelchair. I have suffered great weight loss and also have been diagnosed with sever clinical depression and general anxiety and panic disorder.

I have had nearly every test/scan that can be done under the sun and eventually I was placed on hospital transfer because of my age and ultimately meaning that I would be transferred from seeing my neurologist now to seeing a new one and pretty much starting from scratch. So only very recently I had a nerve conduction study on my legs, which is basically an electric graph made based on the pace that the nerve signals move in your body and they found only yesterday some pretty surprising news.

I have a diagnosed condition.

So now I feel obliged to re-introduce myself to you.

G'day, my name is Jessi and I have Lambert-Eaton myasthenic syndrome

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You guys have probably got little clue as to what this syndrome is and neither did I, so from research (thank you Google) I found my answers

"Is an autoimmune disease in which the immune system attacks the body's own tissues. The attack occurs at the connection between nerve and muscle (the neuromuscular junction) and interferes with the ability of nerve cells to send signals to muscle cells."

Sounds pretty impressive, because I never thought my body was capable of doing that, unfortunately though for my case it is slightly bittersweet, because I will never have a complete cure, this will always be a part of me till the day the angel of death comes and takes me away.

It's only upsetting in that sense but for everything else I can live with that, it is something that I can live with. And it is treatable, I can take certain drugs after more testing trials and with physio I should be walking in a few months, so in a more basic context my syndrome is like Asthma, it is controllable but not curable and won't go away.

It feels also pretty surreal, I have been waiting for an answer for nearly two years now and it still I guess hasn't sunk in. I can guarantee you I had lots of tears shed yesterday from this because it is something that I needed to hear. I can stop living my life in fear about what condition I have and now I can just focus on my future from here on out.

This all happened on the 23rd of May but because of the shock and letting it sink in I'm sorry I didn't post this at the time and left it two days late.

I know I have been neglecting this blog, which if many people did not know came from having long bouts of depression, testings, sleepless nights and just, I don't know how many people read my blog book but you guys are the ones who have really supported me, Wattpad has supported me so much by having such a community where you can share your personal stories and you can tell your own through different styles of writing and you can feel like you are a part of a family of those who share similar interests to yours.

Being that also you can really make friends for life, I know I've found a wonderful and loyal friend from one in particular, who knows I am referring to her. And its friends like that that really make you believe in yourself and acknowledge that you are not alone. Before Wattpad, I was just a normal girl in Australia with a lot of emotional baggage and a year later even on Wattpad, I had emotional and physical baggage. Now on here I know who I am and I know who I want to be and on here even though I am often still the same girl, I know I can make a blog and write a story that even though might not always make sense but it can really brighten someone else's day and it really helps to encourage others that you are not as alone as you think you are. There are so many of us in the community who come from all walks of life with the same hobbies and interests as others. Wattpad really changed my life.

So I thank you guys, my readers, my followers, my lifelong friend and everyone who comments or votes on any of my work, you guys really make a difference for me, and even though right now I am crying as I type, I'm glad that even when he harder days come and go. I know who my community is that will always keep me going and that is the Wattpad family.

So G'day guys, this is Jessi here an I love you guys so much

Bye xxx