Going Anyway

Don't Cry

Friday, May 26

Today was the last day for staff.

I had to strip my classroom apart. When I was done taking it apart, leaning on the wall, I looked around. The desks and chairs were all shoved to one side of the room, and then I had about five boxes of my stuff. It really started to hit me that this was it. I had to lock up my room by 3:00 and turn in my keys.

I went into the break room for the end of the year party at around noon. I rarely showed up to staff parties because I was always busy with students. I had nothing else to do today, so I was kind of required to go.

I walked into the room. Everyone had gotten their pizza and coke already. Alice Samuelson, the eighth grade Science and Math teacher, was talking to the sixth grade English teacher, Jane Rieman. Paul Davison, the seventh grade English teacher was sitting with a few teachers, but looked bored. Paul insulted my pride the other day, and we haven't talked since.

A few people waved at me, and I gave them a weak smile. This was the last time we would all be together. That weighed heavily on me. I sat in between Paul and the office Secretary, Tayler, after grabbing my pizza, chips, and coke.

"Hi," I said shyly to whoever was willing to listen.

"How are you?" Paul asked.

"I'm okay," I told him shortly.

"What day do you head out?" Tayler asked.

"Thursday," I told her.

"Do you have everything ready for the move?" Paul asked. He acted like nothing happened two days ago. It kind of annoyed me.

I shook my head, "No. I still have to clean out the condo. I mean, we don't have a whole lot, so it won't be that hard, but it's still going to take a few days."

Alice was sitting across from us. "Are you going to visit us?"

I laughed a little. "Ummm, I don't know. Probably. It's a hassle to come to small-town-Alabama."

Paul smiled a bit. "It really is."

"You better come visit us," Tayler said.

I bit my lip, taking a bite of pizza. I haven't been hungry for the last week and a half. Stress is taking me over.

"I'll see what I can do." I took another bite of pizza.

"Has cleaning out your classroom been weird?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, a little bit."

We all talked over the lunch hour, and then I went back to my classroom to finish cleaning things.

After a while, I heard a knock on my door, and, of course, it was Paul. Who would've guessed? I just looked at him.

"I think I crossed a line the other day, and I'm sorry." He leaned on the now blank door frame. (I used to have quotes on the door frame.)

"It doesn't matter; I'm leaving in less than a week." I wasn't in the mood to accept his apology. He insulted everything I've ever worked for.

"You will be missed, and you know that. Maybe knowing that isn't such a bad thing." I just stared at him. "I wish nothing but the best for you, sir."

"Same for you, Paul." He nodded. I could tell he wanted to say more, but there wasn't much more to say, so he walked away.

At 2:55, I was about to head out when Alice walked into my classroom. I gave her a weak smile. She opened her arms, and gave me a tight hug without saying anything for a moment. When she pulled away, she shook her head, releasing tears.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Steven. You are a good man, and I have learned so much from you."

I held back my own tears. I can't believe how emotional I've been lately. I'm really not an emotional person, but leaving one of the few stable things in my life isn't easy.

"Don't cry. Don't cry," I whispered, not knowing how to accept such a compliment from that close of a friend. "If you cry, I'll cry."

She pulled me into another hug. "You deserve to leave, but that doesn't make it any easier," she choked out into my shoulder.

I didn't pull away because I didn't want her to see the rivers flooding down my cheeks.

I just couldn't hold it back.

When Alice pulled away, I couldn't even look at her right away. I looked around the room, taking it in, letting out a long sigh. She rubbed my back a little. I buried my face in my hand.

I don't remember the last time I actually cried.

"It's okay," she said quietly.

I sniffed a little, grabbing my keys from my desk. "Let's just go," I choked out. I grabbed my backpack, and swung it over my shoulder.

I took one last look at the room as I turned out the light. She followed me out. I locked the door as I wiped my eyes and cheeks.

We walked to the Jeff's office, and I handed him the keys.

We exchanged quiet goodbyes. This was hard for both of us.

And that was it.