Going Anyway

No Clear Answers

Thursday, May 11

I have a good friend, Alice, who works with me. She and I get along pretty well. She's the eighth grade math and science teacher. We share a similar background. We wanted to catch up before things get even crazier for me in the next couple of weeks. During our plan hour, we decided to grab lunch, and she needed to get flowers for her mom. I forgot Mother's Day was this weekend.

"Steven," she said when we got into her car, "are you sure you're okay with going to get flowers?"

"Yeah, why? We have plenty of time."

She bit her lip, and sighed. "I mean, I know your mom died, so..."

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

I think I was more taken a back by this question than anything.

"How long has it been now?"

"Well, it was right before I graduated, so about nine years ago."

"I'm sorry."

I ran a hand through my hair, rolling down her window. We were on the road now. "It is what it is."

She never knew her dad either. Her mom has been somewhat stable, but her mom has struggled with all sorts of things, especially men.

"How close are you with your aunt and uncle in Iowa?" She knows Jen offered me the job.

"Honestly, I think they just want to try to fix Ava."

"What do you mean by that?"

"They think I'm a horrible person for raising her in this town. They think I need to get a wife who makes a lot of money and who will be a mom to Ava."

"So y'all aren't very close," she stated.

I stared at road. "I don't know if Jen would've offered me the job if it wasn't for Ava."

"Would you have taken it if you didn't have Ava in the first place?"

I thought about that. Ava asked me that just the other day. "I think so. I want to start a family, and I rather start one in Iowa than here."

"At least kids aren't sheltered down here."

I gave her a weak smile. "True."

"Have they found a house for you yet?"

"Yeah, but it's probably gonna need some renovations. My uncle says it might have asbestos, but it isn't supposed to be a problem unless it's disturbed. Also, it has broken windows. The wooden floors would need to be stained. It's just gonna be a lot of work."

"You'll be fine though. Didn't you work at Menards in college?"

"Yeah, I did, so I know how much work remodeling a house is."

"It'll give you and Ava something to do over the summer."

"That's true, but I don't think she's gonna wanna help."

"Come on, if you have a positive attitude, she will, too."

"I just hope I'm making the right decision for her." I couldn't hide the fear in my voice.

Since we were at a stop light, she put a hand on my shoulder. "It's going to be okay." The light turned green, so she pressed on the gas. "But for what it's worth, the fact you're so worried about her, shows something, and I'm sure she'll catch onto that. She already knows how much you care."

I ran a hand down my face. "I can't talk about this anymore," I told her honestly.

"You're going to be okay. Sometimes there are no clear answers to things, but that's when you just have to have faith that everything's going to work out."

"Yeah, I know."

She parked at the flower shop, and we got out.

I know everything's going to work out somehow because I will not lose faith in myself. I've overcome everything else in my life by the grace of God. I'm going to overcome this. And Ava is going to turn out okay, but I'm not go to lie, this is not easy.