Going Anyway

I Know What You Can Afford

Wednesday, May 10

When I joined the Army National Guard, all I wanted was to get out of Alabama, so I was the one who loved basic training. Then when I went to college, I worked really hard to get good grades, so I would be able to get a good job. Next thing I knew, my old middle school was calling me, wanting to have me on their team. I didn't have any other offers, so I took it.

This time, I just don't want to leave. I'm not only responsible for my own grief that comes with moving, but I have to comfort Ava through all of this, too.

I guess what I haven't talked about really is the fact I  am still excited to move up to Iowa. I know it will bring a great opportunity. I'm optimistic about the future.

I have a new challenge though.

Mike, my uncle from Iowa, called me today.

"Hey, Mike, what's up?" I asked, sitting down on my bed. It was after Ava had gone to bed, and I was working on my newest YouTube video. I try to get two uploaded a week, so I was just editing this one.

"We found you a house."

"Yay."

He explained to me that it's near the town I will be teaching in, and it has good schools that Ava would go to.

"But," he said, "it's going to need to have major reconstruction done to it. It needs to be cleaned and painted. It has wood floors on two levels—it's a split-level house—but the realtor says you should just stain the floors. It has broken windows. It's not in the greatest condition because the former owners just didn't take care of it. And it might have asbestos, but it won't harm you if it's not disturbed. I will personally have a inspector figure out what needs to be done." Then he told me the price.

Iowa is a bit more expensive than Alabama.

"Okay, well, I'm not moving into a house that has asbestos. I mean, it's a legal issue. I have to take care of Ava's health."

"It's going to be fine as long as it's not disturbed," he repeated. "We just thought you should know."

"What about the broken windows?"

"You'll get them fixed on your own."

"Here's what needs to happen: One, no unsafe hazards. Two, no broken windows. Three, stained floors." I was stern about this. I don't deal with crap well.

"It's not that big of a deal. You can fix the broken windows, and staining can't be that hard." He sounded like he was trying to be calm. I know he doesn't really like me.

"I wanna be able to live in the house the first night we get to Iowa."

"You can stay with us if needed."

I took in a deep breath. "Thank you, but y'all shouldn't have to do that."

"Well, it's going to be a lot easier for you to stay with us than for us to try to get all the house work done."

I love my aunt and uncle, but I honestly don't think I can live with them. They don't think I should have custody of Ava because we don't live in the best area. That's probably another reason they offered me up a job up there.

"You shouldn't have to take us in. I'm a grown man, and I can handle it."

"Where are you going to go if the house isn't ready? I mean, I know what you can afford. The truth is, Steven, a house in good condition for the size you want just isn't in your price range."

"Okay, fine," I snapped. "Tell the realtor it's a go. If that's all you think I can afford, fine. We'll figure it out." I raised my voice a little.

I don't snap a lot unless someone insults me.

"Hey. You know we don't have to do any of this for you. Jen didn't have to offer you the job, and God knows there are much better people for the job who have a lot more experience. That's nothing against you. It's just that you don't have as much experience or a masters degree."

For Ava I had to be somewhat respectful.

"Okay, as long as the house is safe, I'll sign onto it. Thank you."

"Are you sure? This guy is a friend of mine, Steven, and I don't want to let him down."

"If it's good for Ava, it's good for me." At least I was on the phone so I could glare at the wall, but I did mean what I said.

"I will make sure of it."

"I appreciate that." This was somewhat genuine.

"And I think you'll do just fine here."

"Thanks."

"We'll help you find a girl up here, too." I could tell he was trying to lighten up the conversation, but I know he thinks I need to get married, so Ava has a motherly figure in her life. I agree, but it's not that simple.

I gave him a little laugh. "Okay."

"Well, I better let you get going. I'll text you when I know more about the house."

"Okay."

"Okay, yeah, I'll talk to you later."

"Yup, good night, Mike."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I let him hang up. I gently tossed the phone on my bed. My head fell into my hands because I have no idea if I'm making the right decision.

This new house is going to stress me out even more.

I know that everything is going to work out in the end, but that doesn't mean this is going to be easy.

Some people drink to relieve stress. Some people run. Some people cry. I just edit YouTube videos.