Mass Effect - Fragments

Chapter 3 - The Masks We Wear

Numbness - until now he hadn't really considered it a proper emotion - he'd been stunned, yes; caught in shock. Concussed, even. But never numb. His friends all looked so concerned. It almost made him cringe, except he couldn't really feel anything. It had been, for him, two weeks since the beam, since he'd pushed her onto the Normandy as she screamed his name, her blood on his hands. Two weeks since he'd resigned himself to the end.

But what did he expect?

Live. Build that house.

He forced a smile onto his face and shook his head. The Commander was back in a moment and he managed to fold his hands in his lap, looking at each of them in turn, as if to reassure them that there wasnothing wrong at all.

"Wow, what does a guy have to do to keep a girl these days? Used to be so easy - a diamond and some poetry!"

He managed to swallow and wave away Liara as she moved towards him, concern in her eyes.

"Shepard, I know it's a bit of a shock."

He managed to exhale, a brittle smile on his face.

"Yeah, but hey… you're all alive. We're moving on. Frankly, that counts as a win."

James took that moment to be his usual diplomatic self:

"About that loco... sir. What happened? One minute we're taking these pendejo's down one freaking husk at a time, the next… man, you shoulda heard it. Screams, just loads. Not just from the husks - all frequencies. And then the Reapers… just exploded. Damn near tore themselves apart. Even saw a couple firing on each other. I mean… not that we're ungrateful, but what the hell happened?"

Shepard shifted gears, feeling his mental processes temporarily derail. He breathed heavily and covered his face with both hands, dragging them down before holding them together at his chin. He shook his head slowly.

"It's not… quite clear. One minute I'm there. At the Crucible. Anderson… Anderson was dead. You know that. But the Illusive Man was there too. I think… I think we spoke. And then he was dead. And then there was something else - another AI, something the Leviathan mentioned. But it wasn't. It was another trap. It gets fuzzy - I can't really remember. And then Harbinger did his…" Shepard puffed out his cheeks and managed a weak shrug, "assuming direct control… and then he was dead. And I think it was him being thrown into the beam that did it. I think. I mean, Alliance intel has spent the last two days quizzing me."

Liara looked thoughtful, even EDI was at a loss for an explanation. Joker snorted and raised an eyebrow.

"So, Commander, you fried the big guy and it mate the Overlords go kablooey? Man, you got one hell of a right hook!"

Shepard managed a chuckle at that. He could almost feel the tension lift in the room. Let them have their peace. It's damn well earned. For most of us. He leaned his head back against the bedrest.

"Think it was something to do with the beam - some sort of transmitter. That's all the Crucible was, in the end. Thing we forgot was the message to transmit. At the end I think it was another trap, something for us to waste our time on, to drain resources on a last ditch hope. If we activated it, if somehow we made it, it should've deactivated all the relays, shut down our ships or something. But by flinging a genuine Reaper gestalt in there? Well, the brass think that caused a feedback loop. Hell, it's all technical to me. Something about "Seeing themselves"."

The Commander shuddered - the memories of those trillions of screaming voices silenced, echoing in his mind. He lifted his head to look at the group.