Like a Moth to a Flame (girlxgirl)

Chapter 16: I've always like you

Alicia’s POV

As she said those words my heart literally skips a beat and I seriously felt it. And now I am standing feeling numb inside and I couldn’t even move. Everything seems to stop or rather seems to move slowly. Everything was so peacefully quiet and all I can hear how my heart beats so fast. She was so breathtaking and at the same time vulnerable. My heart just aches as I saw her sobbing quietly. Each teardrop brings ache beyond words. I’ve done it to her and I’ve done it to myself! Good job Ali, you never failed to make her cry! I can’t believe I’ve done it over and over again. I just stood there looking at her heavenly face. She looks fragile and about to break and all I wanted to do was to hug her yet I couldn’t move my feet. I was just looking at her like I have some invisible straightjacket on me. I feel I can’t breathe and my heart is beating really fast that I can’t seem to get a hold of myself.

“I’m sorry…” I said hoarsely I couldn’t even hear myself saying those words but she just look at me a little off guard that she didn’t see it in me to say those words from my mouth.  She forces a smile and it makes me ache more. She was still crying but she never left her eyes off from mine.

“It’s okay… I mean I did this to myself. Ohh god this is so embarrassing!” as she abruptly wipe the tears from her face. “I understand that you don’t like me and there’s nothing I can do about it. So let’s just forget about it and move on.” She said like convincing herself as she slowly started to walk away.

“Not like you.” I repeated the word dumbly.

“I like you since the day I saw you. I like the yellow dress you wore that day and how you smile at everyone. I like your giggle… I like your laugh… I like the way you unconsciously bite your nails when you’re nervous... I like it when you slightly brush your hair to the side... I like how you smile on small details… I like when how your eyebrows draw in together when you’re annoyed… I like how you genuinely care about birds, dogs and cats and even bee’s.” I said as I even force a laugh. She was now looking at me stunned.

“I like the way you look like when you are drawing, the way you wrinkled your nose checking if your strokes are just how the way you like it. I like how each strokes you make, how you seem to look breathtaking even if you’ve got oil paint on your face… I like it when you are jumping happily after finishing one of your drawings. I like how you are seemingly lost when you’re daydreaming and how you don’t mind everyone...” I said breathlessly

“And you know what’s the saddest part is? I wish it was all with me and not with my brother.” I smiled sadly looking at her eyes; tears were starting to form in her eyes.

“Then why…?” she asked.

“Because it’s the only way you noticed me. You were always with my brother and you are very happy with him. Do you know how it feels like every time I saw you with him? The feeling that you just can’t seem to control that you question yourself why you feel this way. Why it hurt so much that you just got to learned to get used to it? Even though all you wanted to do is to get mad at the people who makes you feel this way but you can’t do anything about it because one of the person is your brother. How can you seriously get jealous with your own brother?” I look at her longingly my eyes now are swelling with tears. “And how can I get mad at you when all I’m feeling for you is stronger that I can’t control myself when I’m around you. I tried to make you hate me so I can give a reason that I don’t deserve you... it was never about hurting you… it was for me not to…”

I was now slowly walking towards her and trying to reach her but I stopped in the middle.

“Well I have always liked you ever since the first time I saw you Sarah…” I said hoarsely while looking at my feet and trying to stop my tears from falling.  “and it hurts so much ever since…” My tears are now falling so hard.