The Deep End

Progress

7:00 PM.

June 14, 1998.

I think I've finally grasped the satanic ritual part of the year, every year that passes by makes me older.

 I was one last year & now I turn two. 

My parents probably still believe I don't understand anything, but slowly I was developing. 

All of me was developing, my bones grew stronger, longer & thicker.

 My hair grew longer.

 I started to feel the pain of teeth development, & yes it hurts when you bite your tongue three times a day.

 I was growing taller, stronger my body shaping itself miraculously.

 I found it extremely weird yet inviting at the same time.

 By the age of two I've come to know a few words, mother tirelessly repeating the numbers over and over again while I stare at her blankly thinking about the sound my stomach made.

 Father wasn't around as much, but then again what I understood was giants needed to work in order to survive. 

Mother worked & when she did I was usually dropped off at a babysitter.

I had everything I wanted except it felt like I was loosing a major factor. 

The love, affection & attention given by my parents, but I let it pass by me & that was the first mistake I've ever made.

11:00 AM.

September 7, 2001.

So many questions rush through my 5 year old brain, I hesitate asking. 

What if it was normal, or she got fat?. 

I chew on my nails, developing a bad habit that'll haunt me as I grew older.

 I pace around my room tirelessly, thinking about an answer, giving up I flop my 4"1 scrawny body onto my princess bed, Placing the back of my palm on my forehead & let out a low-toned sigh of frustration ( yes, I've always been this dramatic). 

My thick eyelashes meet, as I slowly begin to fall back asleep.

 2 minutes later of realizing I'm falling asleep, I force myself to wake up. 

I jump off my bed with my back arched, face facing the floor and drowsy eyes. 

I gently move my body, looking for my mother to ask her the question that has been on my mind for the past month. 

yes, I've pretty much given up on finding out myself. 

lets just hope it wasn't something too serious. 

I reach the kitchen where my mother was effortlessly cooking & singing her way through her swollen belly.

she turns her face towards me, grinning & then lets out a muffled laugh. 

what was that all about?.

"mom?" I say, a tone that echoed with frustration & sadness.

"yes honey?" she gently replied.

it was as if her mouth dripped of honey whenever her lips would part their ways. 

it was such a soothing, exquisite way of speaking . 

 it defined her, made her stand out than the rest of the women. 

At least for me.

I suddenly pause for a few seconds, tongue tied about how to ask her the aching question that has been lingering around my soul for a while. 

I felt my blood rushing to get to my heavy thumping fist sized heart. 

I exhale a deep breath, that felt as if it was caged in the walls of my throat for so long. 

maybe one of my frustration sighs.

" I'm hungry" I reply blankly, but that wasn't my actual question. 

why was my tongue twisting words that I didn't want to say nor did I mean.

By the time I realize what I've said my mother holds up in front of my eyes one of my favorite chips ever, with her gleaming hazel eyes staring into mine & her soft, faded pink lips caressing slightly into my right cheek. 

Resting her wilting hands onto my protected baby soft thighs.

"why is your belly so big?" I spurge it out, feeling both anxious for her reaction yet relieved for letting something so heavy on my chest go.

She blurs out a chuckle and caresses both of her warm palms to my round, chubby cheeks.

"It's your baby sister. Are you happy about it?" She looks me dead in the eye, her hazel eyes shifting from jokingly to blank as if she was waiting for my reaction to the situation. 

It was too late to change anything anyways, so what I said actually didn't matter.

I grin, still not knowing what a baby sister is & nod my head blindly. 

She tilts her head to the side, arching her long neck. 

Eyes full of utter shock and confusion.

maybe I should've reacted differently?,

 did I do anything wrong & my facial features gave it away?.

She slowly swallows down a gulp of saliva.

"do you know what a baby sister is?" she asks me, knowing I have no clue at all.

"No, I don't. what is it?" I reply with shame draping through my face for lying.

"she is someone like you, just younger." she smiles back quickly pressing her lips gently against my forehead.

Someone like me?.

How should I feel towards this?

I've always felt unique. I thought everyone was. Was I wrong?.