The Deep End

Deceitful

TW: BLOOD, SELF-HARM & DEATH. 

de·​ceit·​ful | \ di-ˈsēt-fəl: having a tendency or disposition to or give false impressions.

12:23 PM.

September 22nd, 2016 

"Honestly, if you ask me what I remember from the past three years; I wouldn't be able to answer you.."

I reply to my best friend. Her name was Azure; She was years older than me, with beautiful long black hair & honey eyes. 

"How come?" she replied in disbelief.

How do I explain to her what goes on in the head of a manic?

"I've changed a lot, my heart is almost non-existent; most importantly I lost my sense of humanity. "

She was my mentor, my guidance in life but that didn't mean that I didn't take my own decisions. She was one of the only people that knew me well enough but never fully, it was impossible to ever understand me fully; I can't even understand my own self sometimes.

It was a hard topic to open up about, open up about the years of mental and physical abuse; I was a child and all I wanted was a home and love. 

My face turns pale, it loses a sense of life in it after she asked. Azure assures me as always; she cups her thin tan hands on my face, It'll all be fine, or am I just manic again? 

I put on a beautiful bright red soft silk tight dress, fitting and hugging every curve and inch of my feminine body; sometimes it does feel good to be a woman. It was my award-winning dress, I can get whoever I set my eyes on, and honestly, it felt amazing being a maneater. 

(man-eater - /ˈmaniːtə/: a dominant woman who has many partners.)

It gets lonely sometimes and I always seem to get bored, four months was my expiry date. It helped me meet different people, know what I eventually want; ironic a mentally-ill borderline girl dreaming about her lover, like a penguin dreaming about flying.

 It was safer this way, I will always protect my heart. 

8:37 PM.

September 22nd, 2016 

My charm was red, my cheeks were red & my eyes were filled with red. You would think I'm talking about "love",  I'm talking about blood. Yes, I might sound crazy but I get so bloodthirsty to take advantage of people. I don't like people interrupting my god complex moment, my victorious stage. 

I don't need to approach anyone, they approach me. I mean have you seen me? a beautiful 5"6 girl with alluring brown wavy hair. Her eyes are a weapon, you would think you're being charmed by the devil. In a way she was, the devil took notes from her. A girl raised by the top Manipulator & Narcissist in the world, did you really think you could fool her? An endearing girl who has Borderline Personality Disorder & is going through a manic god complex?