The Deep End

Dissipate.

Dissipate:

(Verb; {with reference to a feeling or emotion} disappear or cause to disappear).

12:00 PM.

February 8, 2010.

I slowly sink, my palms on each side of my face. My body numb, the dark parts of me running free during Mid-day.

Why me?

my lip quivering, I've cried too much to the point where i have no tears left to shed on my cold breathless mother.

My mother.

"mother" it slowly  leaves my lips, still in shock. Palms starting to violently pull on the sides of my hair from the feeling of excruciating pain.

I let out a scream, I let out a scream so loud for the first time ever.

This time I wanted the beast to wake up, I really didn't care anymore.

I slam my palms against my face. Its all my fault. I should've left with her to see her for the last time.

To be with her  during her final minutes. It was a shadow of guilt  that hovered over my lingering body .

I would never forgive myself for it.

I fall asleep with my back on the wall, from crying  too much.

I suddenly feel  someones presence over my curled up body, I slowly  open my eyes in pain, groaning.

I look up hoping it ended and i was rejoiced  with my mother, instead I was looking up to the beast.

A quiver runs down my spine as I gulp down my saliva, drenching my sore throat.

"Get up" A voice so cold, so merciless commands me.

I look up with my weary eyes,my lips slightly parted as a tear slowly makes its way through my face.

Before I knew it, I was caught off-guard with a rough cold palm slamming my left cheek. The amount of force applied was too much to handle, especially for someone as tiny & frail as me.

My body shivers as the pain travels around my body rapidly making every muscle, every blood cell ache with pain.

I fall to the ground, palms pushing against the dusty tiled floor.

 My arms barely supporting my body weight, tears flooding through my eyes. 

I silently whimper not over the physical pain, 

But over the loss of my soul. 

The loss of my humanity. 

The loss of my mother.